Over the last few days I have engaged in a email conversation with a friendly acquaintance as she has gone about starting a new stage in her life by opening up a store servicing plus size women.
I found the last few days somewhat intriguing as reading some of her responses to my comments on presentation, body language & styles she feels would be appropriate for the lagniappe woman ("lagniappe" is a Creole word loosely translated a little bit extra).
I was a little taken aback in some of her attitude of how "most" plus women would hide their bodies, would not wear pretty clothing would want to stick with "timeless clothes" when I question what she saw as timeless mounted to no more then dowdy, boring,cover up the shame i.e fat.
My suggestion to her about having a new "fattitude" a term another woman coined since she felt obese sounded so ominous. I love it "Fattitude"!
My suggestion to my friend was to look up websites that catered to amply endowed women and see that yes women wanted to look good whether they were in the process, thinking about it or wishing to release the weight. Look at their posture their stance. Beating & shaming does not work otherwise we would not have 50% of the population overweight and 30% of that number at the obesity range.
I was yet amazed even more so when her remarks about telling a woman she shouldn't wear XYZ or ABC because how SHE feels, not the woman, should hide away looking dated, dumpy & distressed until the magical day comes when all the weight simply rolls off her body & then now she is good enough to look good.
Please understand this is not criticsm of my acquaintance, she is not very different then many other women. We know what we know even when it maybe distorted.
I simply find those kinds of attitudes self-defeating, has never worked and needs to be re-thought.
Lets face it, by today's standards, Marilyn Monroe would not have the audacity of thinking about putting on a bathing suit let along become this sexy sexy woman who decades after her death men still drool over and women envied her. Marilyn would have been considered far "too big".
We all know plus women comes indifferent sizes and shapes and there is no one size fits all approach.
People who have a higher regard for themselves, not beating up on oneself have a better chance of successfully releasing and keeping off the weight then one who beats up, do or die to "lose" weight. Even the word "lose" weight is a contradiction to me. When you lose something that perhaps means more to you then perhaps it should, who would move hell & high water to "find" it again?
Several years ago I released about 50 pounds and regained them 5 years later. It was a stressful period 2006-09. Funny thing is when the pounds came back, I did not feel ashamed or guilty. I was so busy caught up in what was causing the stress I did not realize the gradual increase in my weight.
I can almost tell you the moment when it hit me like a thunderbolt how weighed down I was. Yet I did not have the energy or wherewithal at that moment in early 2007 to do much at all about it. It took several more months before I made any steps, slow methodical steps to re wrap my brain not yet even my body behind really getting down to the core.
I still believe that shame does not bring change & feeling ashamed was counter productive.
I had to really peel away layers, releasing people, places & things look inwardly, intently & intensely at my whole self. So I went about doing just that BEFORE I even attempted anything else.
I now tend to avoid reading /engaging anything or anyone who has a do or die, either/other approach to hour health weight or well being as it stresses me so I know stress is a huge component for me (no pun intended). I could have never told you I would have seen myself at this size, but ashamed of myself I am not. Without a doubt I should have cared better for myself before, but that is then, this is now.
I know it is probably harder on people who have known me most of my healthier, productive and active life to see me like this who genuinely care about me. Who knows what they are really thinking, the ones who care for me still care for me the others who might be embarrassed or ashamed or repulsed?
Well it stopped mattering to me awhile back.
Whatever length of time it takes is the length of time it takes. In the meantime I will live, go to great lengths to nourish myself mind, body & spirit, cheer other folks on if they want that or be still if I need that too.
I am not doing this to seek anyone's approval or for them to grant me permission to do this.
I want happiness,autonomy & pro activeness to be on my order for each day allowing for moments even when I do not want to or feel like it. And in the process as I've learned here on Sparks and other places, I will be just find during the process of seeing how far I will fly!
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