I want to be lean and clean for the future, dust off my wings. I know for sure that doing so will make it easier to fly."~  Oprah

As I am packing for this change in venues, it dawn on me that there is another way to lighten the load.  I have several kitchen appliances I've used only once since I've had them and the probability that I will in the foreseeable future is about zero.  Good shape works and not dated.  In fact the slow cooker has never been out of the original box!  That was something given to me by a neighbor who was moving & she never used.

In keeping my "air" clear and the load lighter with one less thing to carry or collect dust, I've decided to put them on NOLAFrugal.com and Craig's list plus our local news paper for sale.

If they do not then Plan B will be Freecycle.com or I can give them to the local food bank who also keeps on hand things like this for families who are starting over from hard times.

I also purged more clothing that are so swimming on me that it would be counter-productive to keep.  I knew that when I had a friend to photograph me in one of my favorite gold silk sheath that I loved and had for now 10 years.  It is one of those things that never goes out of style.

 I bought it off a clearance rack at Ashley Stewart for $5 (if you can believe it)! It was one of those 80% off the lowest price deal.  So I think 10 years of wear I've gotten enough mileage out of it say at .50 per year divided by numbers of times worn, it comes out to less then .05 cents.

And I have the same one in a sagey champagne color.  When I bought them both it was too big at size 24, but when I gained all the weight and the bulge from my intestine the day came when not only did it start fitting, it became too tight!

Now not only is it too big, but I can slip it over my head without opening the zipper! And it is still too big!9

It is time to let them go with a few others.


And as I am writing this I am delighted to hear the whirring of a lawn mower.  The yard man came today!244 I know now it is spring.  He had not been here since late Nov in part because the doctors discovered prostate cancer, but it was so early in the detection, they were successful in removal!   He had a wonderful attitude then and now!  He looks great!

  
I am enjoying the fragrance of freshly cut grass.  Now the yard will look wonderful. We always chat about our gardens, his being much more extensive then mine and I get the clippings for my compost.  Speaking of which, my current landlord has agreed to let it stay put after I move so it can continue decomposing and then I can comeback for my soil.

The new place I am moving to has down the street a community garden, no my soil will go there. Hot cha cha cha!

I gave my neighbor upstairs in the back, who tends to be a bit nosy and a little off two novels to read I had told her about  "The Help" & "The Little Giant of Aberdeen County" .  I've shared my magazines with her as I finish them so its two-fold, she gets enjoyment and I recycle, passing it forward.

So my load will get lighter, the space is clearing.  The investing into myself is starting to show early signs of a pay off.  It is hard, so terribly hard (did I say hard?) to work your way through things.  All the overgrowth,debris, not much light, its too hot/too cold/too tired...

But it is worth it all once you see the meadow, the clearing in the near distance future.

I feel lighter, more energized less weighed down.

By now shape am I out of the woods (yet) and I will not be surprised if later there will be other challenges, I just know to keep on investing me, pulling weeds, watering, fertilizer & pruning.

It is indeed the most worthy of investments I could make where the dividends will reap the highest profits...

Weigh to Roll: The Long Road Home...

 I have a most critical appointment this morning about a grant that will bring a tremendous change to my life.  

 And at 10pm yesterday,I get a call that my ride will not be able to carry me.  Stuff happens.. I have to do something  facilitate this move.

It was too late to make other arrangements so now I am face with a dilemma how I will do this.

Well what I'm going to walk to the appointment.

Fortunately, it is about 2.5 miles away from my home.  I have been able to walk up to 2 miles on my current walks,that being round trip but never 2.5 miles 1 way!

But I am so determined to keep that appointment I will not let anything deter me from keep that appointment!  Fortunately for me it will be a gorgeous day and its a scenic route. I am having now a power breakfast; on will come the earphones,stretch a bit, carry my water and off I will go!

The good thing is I will have probably a couple of hours rest time before making the return trip home.  I am going to find out today what I am made of, of what my body will do for me.

But when you are focused, one will find that weigh out of no way!

The end result will be worth it for me; I want that loft with the windows.  I want the 50% reduction in my living expenses, I want those windows  :=) .

I want to be DONE. 

So folks who when they sprout off about "THEY" as in "THEY don't want to work"; "THEY just want to live off the system" "all THEY have to do is.." "THEY should just need to lose weight" "THEY are too lazy"...  "If THEY would get off their butts" 

Yeah, yeah, yeah...

I am here to tell you 'taint so. It is not what you think and that is what you get for assuming & being dead wrong...

So if you see this 60 year old woman on a cane with earphones, sneakers with that fierce determination on her face getting to her destination...

That will be me. You can join me if you wish...

Please don't think let along say "why don't she lose some weight"?

Simply cheer her own her weigh and say

"Weigh to Roll"!

'cause I got it like that!

"Dead Last Finish is greater than Did Not Finish which greatly trumps Did Not Start." ~Unknown

Righted Myself~Heart's on Fire...

I am putting in a disclaimer, right off the bat.  This is not a whinefest, this is no "oh I am a victim" or anything anyone wants to think.  One can feel free to thinketh, just know-it from me I know where I am and also where I was.  If it can help someone so be it.

I wasn't planning on writing a second blog this morning, but upon commenting on one of my teams, it got me to thinking and hence this.

I am peeping out to make a statement:

Creating a Sparkling me  as a goal actually started about 4 years ago not long after I left my last working position.  By trade, I am an artist/poet/speaker who has been going through a gynormous, transforming time over the last 3 years of those 4 years.




I took off on what I called my "adventure" (words can be powerful) after leaving a position that was increasingly debilitating stress, robbing me of all my joy in what I was doing. I will not dwell in the particulars, but I had sense for 2 years prior to departure something was amiss, something was not right.


I was right and I should had listen to my 1st thought, but in typical fashion I did what a lot of women do, I pretended it a'weigh. I worked harder, trying to prove it I had done it better, smiled harder, swallowing putrid stuff more that it would go a'weigh.


It didn't; if anything it escalated.


No need to go into it all or all the people involved; that time is gone all though I had to contend with with the residual that was left behind.


It took a serious toll on my health landing me in the cardiac unit of a hospital.. It was not a heart attack... It was unrelenting stress.  It was not the 1st time I landed in a hospital with the previous time being 8 years prior from a similar situation.


"What was I thinking? Why didn't I "just" leave? How could you not know?" all the battery of "how comes" that people like to sprout with that tone of voice won't be needed. 


 What was, was


  From 2006-to 2007 I put on a lot of weight and it was like nothing I did could stop this train going down hill with no breaks.  I can attest that I was walking a lot, I was indeed mindful of what I was eating.  I did not know at first that cortisol & adrenaline contributed mightily to fat retention.  I was angry, depressed, enraged suppressing a tremendous amount of anger  over circumstance I thought I could manage, that I could control.


So I thought.


I was not managing well and by the time I realize how big I had gotten and my swagger was reduced to a snails pace, my curious bright eyes were dulling and I was fitting into larger and larger clothes actually changing how I dressed to fit into an environment that was hostile to me and did not want me to fit in.  They wanted me gone.


My pride came into play and I refused to let those who were creating the hostile condition to see me sweat to my biggest, no pun intended, regret.


Not letting them see me sweat wasn't the issue, I was not going to be not allowed my dignity in an undignified situation.  While it sounded noble, it took a toll on me.


And then after my 3rd hospital stay as I laid on a operating table as they ran a tube up to my heart to see if I had any blockage and I watch that beautiful heart of mine doing what it needed to do,pumping mightily so I could function, I knew this had to stop.


I was not serving my heart, literally or figuratively, well.  Nor myself.


FYI I had no heart trouble, no heart disease nada..


I have the pictures to prove I have a beautiful mind & a beautiful heart... I'd earned my purple heart

But this had to stop...


So I fled, I left the place, literally & figuratively,that at that time was causing me so much grief.


So I thought...


By early 2010, I was at my heaviest weight 320 lbs sick as I wanted to be.  I never ever thought I would have seen me that heavy... I was a skinny kid, a slender active adult.  People who knew me up close and personal then & now have been amazed how well I look now.  I was amazed how badly I looked then.


But I am getting ahead of myself...


Understand please some of this weight gain had to do with an untreated medical issue that I could not seem to get the necessary help and surgery which could have resolved the issue. Being cut off from everything and everyone was taking its toll as well as losing my income, sense of self and my autonomy.


But stress was a huge, huge part of all of this too...


Instead of doing what I KNEW was the best thing for me, I still again let others decide for me what was good for me and ended up in Oregon instead of where I truly wanted to be with it being the worst mistake ever.  But a silver lining in my being so isolated, it ended up being in one way the best thing happening as it gave me a chance to be still.


I started calling it my forced sabbatical...


I took the time in all the that physical beauty to see deeply inside my heart wrestling with myself.   I needed to really peel away lots of layers of anger, hurt, disappointment, betrayal, humiliation, grief, longing sighing to see why and how I let this happen. 


Then it dawned on me the why's and hows were no longer relevant...It would have been an exercise in futility.  The external & internal factors were what they were.


And I was not going to beat up on myself...


I had already taken a beating.


Looking into a figurative mirror and ended up feel tenderness for myself. Even before the sabbatical, I had started actively peeling a'weigh layers, blogging, talking, writing, figuring supporting, being supported, researching, talking out loud...


I then got angry and allowed myself to feel anger, then sorrow, then grief and then back to tenderness. Finally I knew I had to do what I had to do.. get out and go!


Run that race,girl!

So I did.

I came home which was a symbolic act.

While my beloved hometown is still going through a transformative time, of readjusting, eliminated what was never useful, trying things out of their collective box with resistance, knowing this has to be done while all the time knowing it would not be easy; knowing that there will always be naysayers that even some of its on citizery will resist is a marvel on to itself. 


 I run parallel with that transformation.  It is still an ongoing work in progress.  I am however at a stage that I am not as easy a pushover any longer.  I have gone through the fire.  I am now approaching the bend with full steam and when I get around this curve look out!


The me today and the me even a year ago are two people. Both are me.  I appreciate my body for caring for me, for holding me up despite it all.


I've gotten back some of my former energy, my humor and the sparkle in my eyes. 


My heart is on fire and I am ready to roll!

Although I am not back yet at my former self & don't want to be that former self!
I get to decide what is best for me and in that there will not be any resentment, hurt, anger betrayals.  No I do not expect life to be perfect, it won't be, but it will be me who gets to decide how I will shape myself.


Right now my "outties" are beginning to catch up with the "innies"...


I am smoothing myself out and so the way is being paved in such a'weigh I can have a life of my choice rather then one that others want to shape for me.


And you know what?


I righted myself... I got right.


I like it like that!




"Dead last finish is greater than Did Not Finish which greatly trumps Did Not Start." ~Unknown

Brown Bag Lunch

I love tomato bisque and curry so when I stumbled on this in Real Simple March 2011 issue I was gamed to try:


Curried Tomato Bisque


www.realsimple.com
Total time 10 minutes


Serves 2


Heat 1 tablespoon olive oil in a medium saucepan over medium heat.  


Add 1 chopped small onion, 2 cloves of crushed garlic, 1/2 teaspoon kosher salt & 1 teaspoon black pepper & cook, stirring until soft.  3 to 5 minutes.


Add 1 teaspoon curry powder cook, continual stirring until fragrant about 30 seconds.


Add one 28-ounce can of whole peeled tomatoes (with their juices) and 1/2 cup of water, bring to boil.


In a blender, puree until smooth.


Divide into 2 containers & refrigerate up to one day.
Top with Greek yogurt & fresh cilantro leaves if desire.


Cost $2.50 per serving.


I am planning on substituting fresh tomatoes instead of can or be sure to use no salt added tomatoes if using canned.

But in the Meantime...

The weather is gorgeous all last week in the low 70's.  Shall I dare think spring is around the corner?  Possible as we are going to have still another week of 70 weather.  I even got out and transferred some of my wildflowers which for some strange reason survived from neglect.  I did not think those seeds germinated let along grew in the dead of winter.  So I took it upon myself to separate them to give them room to flourish.

Even if winter returns, in the meantime enjoy this recipe from Sparkswww.sparkspeople.com

Chicken and Creamy Curry Wrap

1/2 chicken breast, cut into cubesIngredients

cooking spray
2 tbsp light sour cream
1 tbsp red curry powder
1/2 cup lettuce
3 slices of tomato
1 "fajita sized" wheat tortilla

Directions

Brown chicken with cooking spray in skillet. 
Combine sour cream and curry in small bowl. 
Warm up wheat tortilla for 20 seconds in microwave. 
Once chicken is browned and cooked thoroughly place in warm tortilla, top chicken with sour cream and curry mixture. 
Top with lettuce and tomato. 
Wrap up tortilla. 
Serve while warm.


Number of Servings: 1

Nutritional Info

• Fat: 8.2g
• Carbohydrates: 20.5g
• Calories: 287.2
• Protein: 32.7g

Good for What Ails ya!

My Mother had suggested this to me quite sometime ago.  She tells me still at age 95, that she "just takes a swig of it each day".  I cannot manage a swig au naturel but mixes it with some honey & go for it.  I had gotten out of the habit, but I know it did indeed work so I will start "swigging" again...

"Apple cider vinegar is a combination that many use when they're

trying to drop a few pounds. What you might not know is that this sweet

and sour combo is a remedy for many conditions of the body. A Dr.

D.C. Jarvis wrote in his book Folk Medicine that inhabitants of

Vermont were known to use apple cider vinegar for various ailments

of the body. Jarvis was among the first to strongly recommend a

dosage for relief of arthritis, to lower blood pressure and cholesterol.

Others believe it helps to destroy infections, assist in digestion,

maintain memory, and protect the mind from aging.

The wide-range effects of apple-cider vinegar can be attributed to

its abundance of nutrients. Complete with many vitamins and minerals,

complex carbohydrates and dietary fiber, it helps to attack those

bothersome conditions with its acidic kick.

You can make this magical remedy at home by crushing apples and

squeezing out the liquid. Sugar and yeast are then added to the

liquid to start the fermentation process. The first stage turns it

into alcohol but resist the temptation and continue the

fermentation until the acetic acid-forming bacteria converts the

alcohol into vinegar. If that's too much then just simply pick up

apple cider vinegar at your local health food store. Be weary,

however, of marketing companies that have mixed various other

ingredients that they allege are "all natural" when in fact they're

mixed with a ton of unhealthy unnatural chemicals that lack any

real influence on the effect of apple cider vinegar".

http://www.skrewtips.com/ebooks/#leaderboard

Gonnas be'GONE!

What I am writing about is not unusual for most of us when we make changes in our lives wanting to do things differently, see things differently and act accordingly.  It is part of a very flawed humanity, where people often in a need to level a playing field if they feel threatened or insecure, to diminish someone else worth when they see change. We do not have to look far to see that happening.

You do not have to be famous, wealthy, beautiful, highly skilled, educated or intelligent or skinny for it to happen. Just shift a hair and see what happens...

I just for once, was curious as I've entered my 6th decade, to understand without wasting too much time or energy, into comprehend why people, especially when it comes to engaging into a healthier, fuller life, why it seems to make others uncomfortable.

In the last several months, I have released over 60 pounds doing it realistically, holistically & carefully.

I still in order to reach my goal, have another 30-50lbs to glow; but it shall be done.  I am now looking to incoporate light weights, take a dance class and other things over the next several months...


  I am not doing it to catch a man, that I was ashamed of myself before or that I want to be out of plus size clothes.  And I thought that my doing this was about me, for me.

It is...

I am not running a race.  I am not trying to compare myself to anyone else nor trying to prove anything to anyone.  I thought I was a pretty cool mama before I began...Competition has never been my forte', I dislike it intensely.

But since the appreciable weight is being noticed also come the what I call the "gonnas" who are always gonna do something but never do & then they have to find fault with you because I did, not going to.  I had to get to a place in myself to accomplish this and I will be doggone if I will let the gonnas stop me.

 I more then proud of myself that I've held my ground...

I've learned that the sun was going to rise as it did so beautifully yesterday & the rain will fall as it did today nourishing my organic garden, no matter what the gonnas said or did.

And I am not going to be any less then the sum of who I am no matter what the goonas, gonna do.

Someone commented to me today that some jealousy could be involved; that some took my ability to speak well, my (as he put it) formidable strength, that if some one comes to me "they better have their A game ready" that the sum of who I am might scare some.

And you know what? They better (have their A game ready).

I am more then pleased with myself that after a very long time and struggle, I've gotten to the point where I came to know no matter what you do, even if you laid down and whine (or not) be passive or not having a learned helplessness wringing you hands to and fro in essence saying "Please like me,please like, I am not threat to you". it will be of no avail.

Cause the gonnas are gonna get you no matter what. It is never about you.

I bring this up because as we all reach hard toward our goals, there will be one or two (or more) gonnas. Live long enough and a gonna could come & get ya. People do not like their world disrupted or patterns shifted. When you release what has weighed you down it WILL cause a paradigm shift in others apart from yourself.

And if one doesn't like it rather using the awesome energy to change themselves, will use extraordinary means & lengths to put you right back where they want you to be, whether it is healthy for you or not.

Or whether YOU want it or not. 


So what did I do?  I wrote this poem:



Anyway
 By iiammoon©11

They are gonna laugh anyway...

So I might as well go out and play…

With all the life & vigor I can display

For...

They are going to laugh anyway...

Roll their eyes…

Smirk...

Wave their hands to & fro

So... I might as well sing loudly…

That song no matter how off key

Because that song  is  for me...

'Cause...

They gonna laugh  anyway...

Since I can't seem "to act my age"

I might as well jump in, Jimmy Choo's  & all...

in a puddle as muddy & messy as it wants to be…

It will wash off once I finish...

After I had a ball.

Because they are gonna laugh anyway...

All Rights Reserved JHM ©1-30-11