It has been seems like forever since the last time I've posted anything. Despite several setbacks.. I'm back now, The challenges over the last 4 months took priorirty & I was wise enough to know how much I could managed and it was time to let things settle so I can steer clear of anymore pitfalls & pot holes in the road.
Unfortunately in all of this I took 3 steps backward, but humane enough to give myself the benefit of the doubt as I put back on 20 lbs. Being sidelined with plantar fascilitis in both feet as well as injuring my left Achilles tendon slowed a complete halt any physical activity I could have enjoyed as well as having to deal with several deaths including my best friend. We had an exceptional warm summer that was brutal enough to kill off my garden which not only provided healthy food but did wonders when I had it to keep my stress level. But now we've turned a new page and back to work on al that needs to be rebooted and resparked.
It's The Weigh YOU do the Thin(gs) YOU Do! It flows, shimmer & glow...spinning and dancing in the light of THIS Moon for ... as it is the weigh you do the Thin(g) YOU do!
Saturday, October 1, 2011
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Sweet & (not) Low:Why America is Fat
Want To Know Why America Is Fat?
One medum sized Easter Lollipop had 88 Grams of sugar in it or 20 teaspoons of sugar. One teaspoon of granulated white sugar is equal to about 4.2 grams. If you are buying a bottle of cola with 44 grams of sugar, you would divide 44 by 4.2 which is equal to 10 teaspoons of sugar.Tuesday, April 19, 2011
We can Work it Out!~ Oprah's "I Feel Good" Challenge 2011
Great Article and a wonderful challenge!
www.oprah.com/health/Exercise-for-Yo ur-20s-30s-40s-50s-and-60s_1/3
No interest or desire to run a marathon. Knees will rebel!It is nice to see someone have a balance view of healthy & balance workouts...
There is no one size fits most approach!
Hula Hoop? No problem!
Weights? (Can do in moderation):
There is absolutely different approaches for different lives and generations; its all in the weigh you do the thin(gs) we do!
Zumba (possibly in a few more months or modified right now):
Jump Rope (maybe in time)
Walking? Can do and Do:
Swimming/ Not me but its a winner!
Maritza Correi
Meditation? Ah yes for flexibility lowering blood pressure:
It's the Weigh We Do the Thin(ngs) we do!
Who knows maybe one day I could look like this although I have to lose 40 years and 11 inches
Monday, April 18, 2011
I Do Declare!
Manifesto ~manəˈfestō: a written statement declaring publicly the intentions, motives, or views of its issuer...
I do declare!
When that word first popped in my head this morning I thought while appropriate may sound to grandiose too high falutin' for what I wanted to say and then I thought in essence, I do declare, it wasn't!
I had suspected though now confirmed that I was going in a backward direction recently. I could feel it in my gait, in my efforts to get around that I had put a few pounds back on. I had...
Not much but not in the direction I wanted to go.
In the last 6 weeks when everything from finding a place,packing to move, the move getting settled I had not been as conscientious as I had been in how I had been eating. Again not all that bad but enough to where things were NOT going where it needed to be.
And I had to stop that.
So I did.
I sat down with myself and had a conversation with self as to what was happening.
Self may not wanted to hear it, not because she did not know it was not true, but because so much happened in rapid succession and after all she is only human.
I had self best interest at heart, so I listened. I listened not only with my ears, but with my heart. My purpose in the deep listening was not to criticize, vilify, ostracize or to paralyze but to be kind to Self, reiterated I had Self's back. That she was good people, a good woman a wonderful woman & I liked her.
Heck I was crazy about her!
Self got it..
Then Self told me a story that caught her eye on a lovely lovely night with a beautiful full moon as a backdrop.
She was on her way home yesterday evening & was hungry. Self had not eaten since earlier that afternoon and it was late in the evening. Self was tired AND self was hungry and did not want to go home and prepared a meal. So she asked the driving companion to stop in the local Burger King for a burger, only a burger as that was all she could manage thinking she could substitute other quick and easy sides.
Well... It did not workout quite like that...
Her driving companion in the quest of being nice ordered her meal & this is what she realized after he did it...
She asked for a Whopper, that's all. He order her a DOUBLE Whopper, large fries AND a large soda! All 1800 calories which was Self's entire allotment for the day! Self did not protest much rationalizing she will only eat part & toss the rest out. Her companion did not mean any harm, it was an assumption that because she was a "whopper" woman she would need a whopper meal.
Trust me I knew her companion, there was no malice. Ignorance, misplaced well intentioned but no malice. It is how people see big people, especially where a city where food/love reign supreme. It is how people express their caring for you.
All this was happening in rapid succession, the clicking in self's brain of what just happened, the tiredness and the hunger and all the other things. She went home and had her meal. She did indeed do what she said ate part and left part, but not as much of the part to dispose.
Then her brain started firing up as "what just happened"?
And why did it happen?
Self had not been to a Burger King in over a year, had not been a fan of Burger King in a very long time...
The good thing was she did not feel guilty or berate or put down or saw herself as a failure.
She did see herself as being very human recognizing that in part how crazy & distracting the last few weeks had been as well as the pending death of her friend.
In doing her meal tracker here on Sparks she was not shocked to see she ate double her caloric allocation & almost 3x her sodium intake for 1 day.
And then she gave a manifesto...
This has to not be!
I do declare!
Out came the scales to see where the weight was and sure enough over the last few weeks she had received 6 pounds!
"Oh no this is so not acceptable", Self declared!
Today after we had our conversation, we will map out what & how. We do not have to rehash, we already know. And we are also armed with enough info, direction and love to readjust, rework and renew with no regrets over what is done.
I was telling Self about my comments in the Ruby team about where for those who may know about the TV show on the Style Network call Ruby of a previously over 700 lbs woman who has halved her weight and now working on halving it again as reach a critical part in her progress. In fact she is throwing up deflections distractions and doing all sorts of things as to avoid the core of how & why she got to 700lbs.
It is an extraordinary story and while many may have their opinions on the where and the whys and the how's only she can declare HER manifesto. There are very few people who struggle with serious weight issues who do not have serious underlying reasons that have literally weighed them/us down.
Part of my comments spoke of (and only as a possibility as only she knows or maybe not know/face) that perhaps " her subconscious knows it (the "it" being what is making her ache badly). Her conscious mind seems to be doing everything possible to avoid "it". I know that as well intentioned as it might be (her friends are going to do an intervention), whatever they are going to attempt to do to jump start her again in her goals, I hope it works, but I will not be surprised if it back fires.
From everything I've read from y'all (thank you) and bits and pieces in the clips and her own blog, she is really close. As crazy as it may sounds, all the prima donna behavior all the stuff with Denny etc, is deflections, expertly manipulated as to not face what is really eating her alive.
No pun intended. Fat can indeed serve as a protection, a deflection, an ally though most people will never admit to it. No one likes it, most ones will say everything else but that its a friend & an ally because it is so much easier to resist painful truths and then honestly get comfortable with it.
It becomes a why bother friend..that friend you know isn't good for you, does not benefit you, but at least you know it, familiar with it have a history with it, you know what it will and will not do. It is just easier then to do things differently to delve into the unknown to walk into a deep dark forest with vines , tangled brush, creepy critters and unfamiliar sounds that can appear terrifying. All the time knowing there is a clearing a lovely meadow, sunshine, flowers humming birds and joy lightness there.
It is the nature of human beings in the time we are living in.
It's hard work, real work, terrifying work and while we may say this is what we want (and end to it) it is scary. We are conditioned to conform, to not see or know on a cellular level that we deserve so much more that the world can be joyous, happy & carefree & loving. Real loving not a manufactured this is what we have to do or be to "earn" it.
To "earn it, especially for women, is to be a fraction of our current size. To earn it is to fit or contort ourselves inside an ever increasing smaller ,perverse & restrictive box so we can be approved of, to be loved, to be dignified to be accepted.
Some how we got that message loud & clear we cannot have positively because we ARE...
And yes we can be in the forefront of being our own worse enemy instead of our best ally as Ruby is showing.
I think she will be in the end just find as we will be just fine.. whatever length of time, HER time will take for that to happen".
What she has and many here on Sparks have done is nothing short of extraordinary.
I think I'm extraordinary in an ordinary way going along in my own time at my pace to dow hat I need to do while living life. We want too many pat answers where there is none. I am not on a journey, I am creating my life as Self and I were discussing...
I could have last night declined the meal. No I had no insatiable gotta have it need for it,I simply was not thinking quickly. What was quick (and I am pleased) is that I came very early on to see what or where it could head. I am not "addicted" to food, my self esteem is not low, I did what many people do waited too long, too distracted & too tired.
So today and from this point forward, I will set my manifesto...
I do declare!
I do declare!
When that word first popped in my head this morning I thought while appropriate may sound to grandiose too high falutin' for what I wanted to say and then I thought in essence, I do declare, it wasn't!
I had suspected though now confirmed that I was going in a backward direction recently. I could feel it in my gait, in my efforts to get around that I had put a few pounds back on. I had...
Not much but not in the direction I wanted to go.
In the last 6 weeks when everything from finding a place,packing to move, the move getting settled I had not been as conscientious as I had been in how I had been eating. Again not all that bad but enough to where things were NOT going where it needed to be.
And I had to stop that.
So I did.
I sat down with myself and had a conversation with self as to what was happening.
Self may not wanted to hear it, not because she did not know it was not true, but because so much happened in rapid succession and after all she is only human.
I had self best interest at heart, so I listened. I listened not only with my ears, but with my heart. My purpose in the deep listening was not to criticize, vilify, ostracize or to paralyze but to be kind to Self, reiterated I had Self's back. That she was good people, a good woman a wonderful woman & I liked her.
Heck I was crazy about her!
Self got it..
Then Self told me a story that caught her eye on a lovely lovely night with a beautiful full moon as a backdrop.
She was on her way home yesterday evening & was hungry. Self had not eaten since earlier that afternoon and it was late in the evening. Self was tired AND self was hungry and did not want to go home and prepared a meal. So she asked the driving companion to stop in the local Burger King for a burger, only a burger as that was all she could manage thinking she could substitute other quick and easy sides.
Well... It did not workout quite like that...
Her driving companion in the quest of being nice ordered her meal & this is what she realized after he did it...
She asked for a Whopper, that's all. He order her a DOUBLE Whopper, large fries AND a large soda! All 1800 calories which was Self's entire allotment for the day! Self did not protest much rationalizing she will only eat part & toss the rest out. Her companion did not mean any harm, it was an assumption that because she was a "whopper" woman she would need a whopper meal.
Trust me I knew her companion, there was no malice. Ignorance, misplaced well intentioned but no malice. It is how people see big people, especially where a city where food/love reign supreme. It is how people express their caring for you.
All this was happening in rapid succession, the clicking in self's brain of what just happened, the tiredness and the hunger and all the other things. She went home and had her meal. She did indeed do what she said ate part and left part, but not as much of the part to dispose.
Then her brain started firing up as "what just happened"?
And why did it happen?
Self had not been to a Burger King in over a year, had not been a fan of Burger King in a very long time...
The good thing was she did not feel guilty or berate or put down or saw herself as a failure.
She did see herself as being very human recognizing that in part how crazy & distracting the last few weeks had been as well as the pending death of her friend.
In doing her meal tracker here on Sparks she was not shocked to see she ate double her caloric allocation & almost 3x her sodium intake for 1 day.
And then she gave a manifesto...
This has to not be!
I do declare!
Out came the scales to see where the weight was and sure enough over the last few weeks she had received 6 pounds!
"Oh no this is so not acceptable", Self declared!
Today after we had our conversation, we will map out what & how. We do not have to rehash, we already know. And we are also armed with enough info, direction and love to readjust, rework and renew with no regrets over what is done.
I was telling Self about my comments in the Ruby team about where for those who may know about the TV show on the Style Network call Ruby of a previously over 700 lbs woman who has halved her weight and now working on halving it again as reach a critical part in her progress. In fact she is throwing up deflections distractions and doing all sorts of things as to avoid the core of how & why she got to 700lbs.
It is an extraordinary story and while many may have their opinions on the where and the whys and the how's only she can declare HER manifesto. There are very few people who struggle with serious weight issues who do not have serious underlying reasons that have literally weighed them/us down.
Part of my comments spoke of (and only as a possibility as only she knows or maybe not know/face) that perhaps " her subconscious knows it (the "it" being what is making her ache badly). Her conscious mind seems to be doing everything possible to avoid "it". I know that as well intentioned as it might be (her friends are going to do an intervention), whatever they are going to attempt to do to jump start her again in her goals, I hope it works, but I will not be surprised if it back fires.
From everything I've read from y'all (thank you) and bits and pieces in the clips and her own blog, she is really close. As crazy as it may sounds, all the prima donna behavior all the stuff with Denny etc, is deflections, expertly manipulated as to not face what is really eating her alive.
No pun intended. Fat can indeed serve as a protection, a deflection, an ally though most people will never admit to it. No one likes it, most ones will say everything else but that its a friend & an ally because it is so much easier to resist painful truths and then honestly get comfortable with it.
It becomes a why bother friend..that friend you know isn't good for you, does not benefit you, but at least you know it, familiar with it have a history with it, you know what it will and will not do. It is just easier then to do things differently to delve into the unknown to walk into a deep dark forest with vines , tangled brush, creepy critters and unfamiliar sounds that can appear terrifying. All the time knowing there is a clearing a lovely meadow, sunshine, flowers humming birds and joy lightness there.
It is the nature of human beings in the time we are living in.
It's hard work, real work, terrifying work and while we may say this is what we want (and end to it) it is scary. We are conditioned to conform, to not see or know on a cellular level that we deserve so much more that the world can be joyous, happy & carefree & loving. Real loving not a manufactured this is what we have to do or be to "earn" it.
To "earn it, especially for women, is to be a fraction of our current size. To earn it is to fit or contort ourselves inside an ever increasing smaller ,perverse & restrictive box so we can be approved of, to be loved, to be dignified to be accepted.
Some how we got that message loud & clear we cannot have positively because we ARE...
And yes we can be in the forefront of being our own worse enemy instead of our best ally as Ruby is showing.
I think she will be in the end just find as we will be just fine.. whatever length of time, HER time will take for that to happen".
What she has and many here on Sparks have done is nothing short of extraordinary.
I think I'm extraordinary in an ordinary way going along in my own time at my pace to dow hat I need to do while living life. We want too many pat answers where there is none. I am not on a journey, I am creating my life as Self and I were discussing...
I could have last night declined the meal. No I had no insatiable gotta have it need for it,I simply was not thinking quickly. What was quick (and I am pleased) is that I came very early on to see what or where it could head. I am not "addicted" to food, my self esteem is not low, I did what many people do waited too long, too distracted & too tired.
So today and from this point forward, I will set my manifesto...
I do declare!
Monday, April 11, 2011
Chicken & Asparagus Pasta
Simple, tasty & healthy. Good combo!
www.sparkspeople.com
Chicken & Asparagus Pasta
Nutritional Info
- Fat: 6.6g
- Carbohydrates: 25.4g
- Calories: 204.2
- Protein: 14.4g
Ingredients
3 cups whole wheat extra wide pasta12 spears asparagus
1/2 chicken breast, bone and skin removed
1-1/2 cups fresh mushrooms, pieces or slices
1/2 cup low sodium chicken broth
1 tbsp extra virgin olive oil
1/4 cup feta cheese, crumbled
1 medium tomato
Pinch of pepper, red or cayenne
Directions
Cook pasta according to package directions.Meanwhile, cut chicken into bite-sized cubes and place in skillet with olive oil.
Cook until partially done.
Add asparagus and mushrooms, continue cooking until chicken is done.
Add chicken broth and cover pan, cook until asparagus is crisp tender.
Add pasta, red pepper flakes (to taste), and feta cheese. Remove from heat.
Serve with fresh diced tomatoes to garnish. Enjoy!
Number of Servings: 4
Monday, March 28, 2011
A Salad Worthy of Popeye
Chef Meg's Spinach-Berry Salad
Nutritional Info
- Fat: 15.2g
- Carbohydrates: 6.2g
- Calories: 162.5
- Protein: 2.7g
Ingredients
1/3 c almonds, slivered
4 c baby spinach
3/4 c strawberries, quartered
1 T balsamic vinegar
1 t Dijon mustard
1 t honey
3 T extra virgin olive oil
Salt and pepper to taste
Directions
Place the almonds in a dry skillet or saute pan. Cook over low heat, shaking the pan the entire time until the almonds are toasting. Almonds are done when you start to smell a "nutty" scent.
Remove almonds from the pan to cool. (Do not cool in the skillet because they will burn from the heat that remains in the pan.) Wash and dry the spinach.
Prepare the dressing by placing the vinegar, mustard, and honey in a mixing bowl. Slowly whisk in the oil until all is incorporated. Place spinach in a large bowl. Add strawberries, almonds, and dressing. Toss to coat. If desired, season with a pinch of salt and pepper.
Number of Servings: 4
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Chicken Yassa-Senegal
Chicken Yassa
yield: Makes 6 servings
The first African dish I tasted and truly enjoyed was Senegal's Chicken Yassa. The chicken marinated in lemon and onion was served with rice in a brightly decorated enamel basin. The thrill of eating in Senegal in the open air and the delicious gustatory counterpoints of lemon, chile, onion, and chicken combined to make my first taste of this dish one of my favorite culinary memories. Later, I served the dish in a modified version on the "Today Show." It has become my trademark dish, and many of my friends, if they haven't had a Yassa in a while, will ask for it. I've gotten so bold about my Yassa, that I've served it to my Senegalese friends. It's relatively simple to prepare and a perfect introduction to African food
- Juice of 3 lemons
- 3 large onions, sliced
- Salt and freshly ground pepper to taste
- 1 (or more) hot red Guinea pepper-type chile, cut into small pieces
- 5 tablespoons peanut oil
- One 2 1/2- to 3 1/2-pound chicken, cut into pieces
- 1/2 cup water
Prepare a marinade of the lemon juice, onions, salt, pepper, chile, and 4 tablespoons of the peanut oil. Place the chicken pieces in the marinade, be sure they are well coated, and marinate them for at least 2 hours. Preheat the broiler to the highest setting. Remove the chicken pieces and reserve the marinade. Place the chicken pieces on the broiler rack and grill them briefly until they are lightly browned on both sides. Remove the onions from the marinade and sauté them in the remaining oil. Cook them slowly until tender, then add the reserved marinade. When the liquid is thoroughly heated, add the chicken pieces. Add the water and simmer the Yassa over low heat for about 20 minutes or until the chicken is cooked. Serve hot, over white rice. Yassa can also be made with fish substituted for the chicken. In the Casamance region of Senegal, where the dish originated, Monkey Yassa, is considered a delicacy, but you're on your own there.
Other suggestions offered:
I am from Senegal and I grew up eating Yassa. We prepare Yassa also with lamb chops or fish(whole tilapia, redsnapper...)
I learned to make this in senegal when I lived there as an exchange student, and used this recipe as a refresher. I have a few suggestions: first, scotch bonnet is the closest hot pepper to what they use in Dakar. Second, caramelize those onions! It's way better with them brown and crusty. Lastly, and this is not traditional, but I thought it was delicious, I added a couple of handfuls of raw peanuts to the onions as they cooked. You could use roasted ones too. Peanut oil in Senegal is less processed and therefore more peanuty, so this added a flavor dimension to the dish that it usually lacks when I have made it stateside. Senegal is also a "crusty rice" culture. If you have time and a well-seasoned cast iron skillet, I recommend pan frying your cooked rice in a small amount of oil for about 5 minutes over medium heat before you serve it. It is an extra step, but those little crusty bits are awesome and contribute a lot to the dish.
this one definitely needs some tweaking. I have a benefit of working with a guy from Senegal, so... First onions need to be really caramelized, not just "cooked until tender". Then my friend gave me some boullion cubes he gets at an african store, but I think any kind will do. I usually use habanero peppers since I still have no idea what "Guinea pepper-type" is. Overall works very well, if you like lemon and onion combination. The flavor is fairly simple and subtle, don't expect indian curry type of dish here.
I first had poulet yassa in Mali, at Sikasso's Hotel Mamelon (near the hill of the same name), and I've often returned to the simplicity of chicken, onion and lemon since then. This is an exceptional dish when grilled on charcoal. Most of the versions of the dish use vinegar, mustard, garlic, and bay leaves, and I recommend adding them to this recipe, along with a third again as much lemon and a much longer marinade time.
I used purple onions instead of the white onions, added some garlic and the juice of an orange. I also let the chicken marinate overnight in the frig. For better color and flavor (I tried this dish 3 times already) I split the cooking between the oven and the broiler. Maybe not strictly the same African recipe, but we enjoyed it!
I made this dish last night and was quite surprise at all the flavor it generated -- it was wonderful. I marinated the chicken overnight using spanish onions and white onion.
Monday, February 28, 2011
I want to be lean and clean for the future, dust off my wings. I know for sure that doing so will make it easier to fly."~ Oprah
As I am packing for this change in venues, it dawn on me that there is another way to lighten the load. I have several kitchen appliances I've used only once since I've had them and the probability that I will in the foreseeable future is about zero. Good shape works and not dated. In fact the slow cooker has never been out of the original box! That was something given to me by a neighbor who was moving & she never used.
In keeping my "air" clear and the load lighter with one less thing to carry or collect dust, I've decided to put them on NOLAFrugal.com and Craig's list plus our local news paper for sale.
If they do not then Plan B will be Freecycle.com or I can give them to the local food bank who also keeps on hand things like this for families who are starting over from hard times.
I also purged more clothing that are so swimming on me that it would be counter-productive to keep. I knew that when I had a friend to photograph me in one of my favorite gold silk sheath that I loved and had for now 10 years. It is one of those things that never goes out of style.
I bought it off a clearance rack at Ashley Stewart for $5 (if you can believe it)! It was one of those 80% off the lowest price deal. So I think 10 years of wear I've gotten enough mileage out of it say at .50 per year divided by numbers of times worn, it comes out to less then .05 cents.
And I have the same one in a sagey champagne color. When I bought them both it was too big at size 24, but when I gained all the weight and the bulge from my intestine the day came when not only did it start fitting, it became too tight!
Now not only is it too big, but I can slip it over my head without opening the zipper! And it is still too big!9
It is time to let them go with a few others.
And as I am writing this I am delighted to hear the whirring of a lawn mower. The yard man came today!244 I know now it is spring. He had not been here since late Nov in part because the doctors discovered prostate cancer, but it was so early in the detection, they were successful in removal! He had a wonderful attitude then and now! He looks great!
I am enjoying the fragrance of freshly cut grass. Now the yard will look wonderful. We always chat about our gardens, his being much more extensive then mine and I get the clippings for my compost. Speaking of which, my current landlord has agreed to let it stay put after I move so it can continue decomposing and then I can comeback for my soil.
The new place I am moving to has down the street a community garden, no my soil will go there. Hot cha cha cha!
I gave my neighbor upstairs in the back, who tends to be a bit nosy and a little off two novels to read I had told her about "The Help" & "The Little Giant of Aberdeen County" . I've shared my magazines with her as I finish them so its two-fold, she gets enjoyment and I recycle, passing it forward.
So my load will get lighter, the space is clearing. The investing into myself is starting to show early signs of a pay off. It is hard, so terribly hard (did I say hard?) to work your way through things. All the overgrowth,debris, not much light, its too hot/too cold/too tired...
But it is worth it all once you see the meadow, the clearing in the near distance future.
I feel lighter, more energized less weighed down.
By now shape am I out of the woods (yet) and I will not be surprised if later there will be other challenges, I just know to keep on investing me, pulling weeds, watering, fertilizer & pruning.
It is indeed the most worthy of investments I could make where the dividends will reap the highest profits...
As I am packing for this change in venues, it dawn on me that there is another way to lighten the load. I have several kitchen appliances I've used only once since I've had them and the probability that I will in the foreseeable future is about zero. Good shape works and not dated. In fact the slow cooker has never been out of the original box! That was something given to me by a neighbor who was moving & she never used.
In keeping my "air" clear and the load lighter with one less thing to carry or collect dust, I've decided to put them on NOLAFrugal.com and Craig's list plus our local news paper for sale.
If they do not then Plan B will be Freecycle.com or I can give them to the local food bank who also keeps on hand things like this for families who are starting over from hard times.
I also purged more clothing that are so swimming on me that it would be counter-productive to keep. I knew that when I had a friend to photograph me in one of my favorite gold silk sheath that I loved and had for now 10 years. It is one of those things that never goes out of style.
I bought it off a clearance rack at Ashley Stewart for $5 (if you can believe it)! It was one of those 80% off the lowest price deal. So I think 10 years of wear I've gotten enough mileage out of it say at .50 per year divided by numbers of times worn, it comes out to less then .05 cents.
And I have the same one in a sagey champagne color. When I bought them both it was too big at size 24, but when I gained all the weight and the bulge from my intestine the day came when not only did it start fitting, it became too tight!
Now not only is it too big, but I can slip it over my head without opening the zipper! And it is still too big!9
It is time to let them go with a few others.
And as I am writing this I am delighted to hear the whirring of a lawn mower. The yard man came today!244 I know now it is spring. He had not been here since late Nov in part because the doctors discovered prostate cancer, but it was so early in the detection, they were successful in removal! He had a wonderful attitude then and now! He looks great!
I am enjoying the fragrance of freshly cut grass. Now the yard will look wonderful. We always chat about our gardens, his being much more extensive then mine and I get the clippings for my compost. Speaking of which, my current landlord has agreed to let it stay put after I move so it can continue decomposing and then I can comeback for my soil.
The new place I am moving to has down the street a community garden, no my soil will go there. Hot cha cha cha!
I gave my neighbor upstairs in the back, who tends to be a bit nosy and a little off two novels to read I had told her about "The Help" & "The Little Giant of Aberdeen County" . I've shared my magazines with her as I finish them so its two-fold, she gets enjoyment and I recycle, passing it forward.
So my load will get lighter, the space is clearing. The investing into myself is starting to show early signs of a pay off. It is hard, so terribly hard (did I say hard?) to work your way through things. All the overgrowth,debris, not much light, its too hot/too cold/too tired...
But it is worth it all once you see the meadow, the clearing in the near distance future.
I feel lighter, more energized less weighed down.
By now shape am I out of the woods (yet) and I will not be surprised if later there will be other challenges, I just know to keep on investing me, pulling weeds, watering, fertilizer & pruning.
It is indeed the most worthy of investments I could make where the dividends will reap the highest profits...
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Weigh to Roll: The Long Road Home...
I have a most critical appointment this morning about a grant that will bring a tremendous change to my life.
And at 10pm yesterday,I get a call that my ride will not be able to carry me. Stuff happens.. I have to do something facilitate this move.
It was too late to make other arrangements so now I am face with a dilemma how I will do this.
Well what I'm going to walk to the appointment.
Fortunately, it is about 2.5 miles away from my home. I have been able to walk up to 2 miles on my current walks,that being round trip but never 2.5 miles 1 way!
But I am so determined to keep that appointment I will not let anything deter me from keep that appointment! Fortunately for me it will be a gorgeous day and its a scenic route. I am having now a power breakfast; on will come the earphones,stretch a bit, carry my water and off I will go!
The good thing is I will have probably a couple of hours rest time before making the return trip home. I am going to find out today what I am made of, of what my body will do for me.
But when you are focused, one will find that weigh out of no way!
The end result will be worth it for me; I want that loft with the windows. I want the 50% reduction in my living expenses, I want those windows :=) .
I want to be DONE.
So folks who when they sprout off about "THEY" as in "THEY don't want to work"; "THEY just want to live off the system" "all THEY have to do is.." "THEY should just need to lose weight" "THEY are too lazy"... "If THEY would get off their butts"
Yeah, yeah, yeah...
I am here to tell you 'taint so. It is not what you think and that is what you get for assuming & being dead wrong...
So if you see this 60 year old woman on a cane with earphones, sneakers with that fierce determination on her face getting to her destination...
That will be me. You can join me if you wish...
Please don't think let along say "why don't she lose some weight"?
Simply cheer her own her weigh and say
"Weigh to Roll"!
'cause I got it like that!
"Dead Last Finish is greater than Did Not Finish which greatly trumps Did Not Start." ~Unknown
Monday, February 21, 2011
Righted Myself~Heart's on Fire...
I am putting in a disclaimer, right off the bat. This is not a whinefest, this is no "oh I am a victim" or anything anyone wants to think. One can feel free to thinketh, just know-it from me I know where I am and also where I was. If it can help someone so be it.
I wasn't planning on writing a second blog this morning, but upon commenting on one of my teams, it got me to thinking and hence this.
I am peeping out to make a statement:
Creating a Sparkling me as a goal actually started about 4 years ago not long after I left my last working position. By trade, I am an artist/poet/speaker who has been going through a gynormous, transforming time over the last 3 years of those 4 years.
I took off on what I called my "adventure" (words can be powerful) after leaving a position that was increasingly debilitating stress, robbing me of all my joy in what I was doing. I will not dwell in the particulars, but I had sense for 2 years prior to departure something was amiss, something was not right.
I was right and I should had listen to my 1st thought, but in typical fashion I did what a lot of women do, I pretended it a'weigh. I worked harder, trying to prove it I had done it better, smiled harder, swallowing putrid stuff more that it would go a'weigh.
It didn't; if anything it escalated.
No need to go into it all or all the people involved; that time is gone all though I had to contend with with the residual that was left behind.
It took a serious toll on my health landing me in the cardiac unit of a hospital.. It was not a heart attack... It was unrelenting stress. It was not the 1st time I landed in a hospital with the previous time being 8 years prior from a similar situation.
"What was I thinking? Why didn't I "just" leave? How could you not know?" all the battery of "how comes" that people like to sprout with that tone of voice won't be needed.
What was, was
From 2006-to 2007 I put on a lot of weight and it was like nothing I did could stop this train going down hill with no breaks. I can attest that I was walking a lot, I was indeed mindful of what I was eating. I did not know at first that cortisol & adrenaline contributed mightily to fat retention. I was angry, depressed, enraged suppressing a tremendous amount of anger over circumstance I thought I could manage, that I could control.
So I thought.
I was not managing well and by the time I realize how big I had gotten and my swagger was reduced to a snails pace, my curious bright eyes were dulling and I was fitting into larger and larger clothes actually changing how I dressed to fit into an environment that was hostile to me and did not want me to fit in. They wanted me gone.
My pride came into play and I refused to let those who were creating the hostile condition to see me sweat to my biggest, no pun intended, regret.
Not letting them see me sweat wasn't the issue, I was not going to be not allowed my dignity in an undignified situation. While it sounded noble, it took a toll on me.
And then after my 3rd hospital stay as I laid on a operating table as they ran a tube up to my heart to see if I had any blockage and I watch that beautiful heart of mine doing what it needed to do,pumping mightily so I could function, I knew this had to stop.
I was not serving my heart, literally or figuratively, well. Nor myself.
FYI I had no heart trouble, no heart disease nada..
I have the pictures to prove I have a beautiful mind & a beautiful heart... I'd earned my purple heart
But this had to stop...
So I fled, I left the place, literally & figuratively,that at that time was causing me so much grief.
So I thought...
By early 2010, I was at my heaviest weight 320 lbs sick as I wanted to be. I never ever thought I would have seen me that heavy... I was a skinny kid, a slender active adult. People who knew me up close and personal then & now have been amazed how well I look now. I was amazed how badly I looked then.
But I am getting ahead of myself...
Understand please some of this weight gain had to do with an untreated medical issue that I could not seem to get the necessary help and surgery which could have resolved the issue. Being cut off from everything and everyone was taking its toll as well as losing my income, sense of self and my autonomy.
But stress was a huge, huge part of all of this too...
Instead of doing what I KNEW was the best thing for me, I still again let others decide for me what was good for me and ended up in Oregon instead of where I truly wanted to be with it being the worst mistake ever. But a silver lining in my being so isolated, it ended up being in one way the best thing happening as it gave me a chance to be still.
I started calling it my forced sabbatical...
I took the time in all the that physical beauty to see deeply inside my heart wrestling with myself. I needed to really peel away lots of layers of anger, hurt, disappointment, betrayal, humiliation, grief, longing sighing to see why and how I let this happen.
Then it dawned on me the why's and hows were no longer relevant...It would have been an exercise in futility. The external & internal factors were what they were.
And I was not going to beat up on myself...
I had already taken a beating.
Looking into a figurative mirror and ended up feel tenderness for myself. Even before the sabbatical, I had started actively peeling a'weigh layers, blogging, talking, writing, figuring supporting, being supported, researching, talking out loud...
I then got angry and allowed myself to feel anger, then sorrow, then grief and then back to tenderness. Finally I knew I had to do what I had to do.. get out and go!
Run that race,girl!
While my beloved hometown is still going through a transformative time, of readjusting, eliminated what was never useful, trying things out of their collective box with resistance, knowing this has to be done while all the time knowing it would not be easy; knowing that there will always be naysayers that even some of its on citizery will resist is a marvel on to itself.
I run parallel with that transformation. It is still an ongoing work in progress. I am however at a stage that I am not as easy a pushover any longer. I have gone through the fire. I am now approaching the bend with full steam and when I get around this curve look out!
The me today and the me even a year ago are two people. Both are me. I appreciate my body for caring for me, for holding me up despite it all.
I've gotten back some of my former energy, my humor and the sparkle in my eyes.
My heart is on fire and I am ready to roll!
Although I am not back yet at my former self & don't want to be that former self!
I get to decide what is best for me and in that there will not be any resentment, hurt, anger betrayals. No I do not expect life to be perfect, it won't be, but it will be me who gets to decide how I will shape myself.
Right now my "outties" are beginning to catch up with the "innies"...
I am smoothing myself out and so the way is being paved in such a'weigh I can have a life of my choice rather then one that others want to shape for me.
And you know what?
I righted myself... I got right.
I like it like that!
"Dead last finish is greater than Did Not Finish which greatly trumps Did Not Start." ~Unknown
I wasn't planning on writing a second blog this morning, but upon commenting on one of my teams, it got me to thinking and hence this.
I am peeping out to make a statement:
Creating a Sparkling me as a goal actually started about 4 years ago not long after I left my last working position. By trade, I am an artist/poet/speaker who has been going through a gynormous, transforming time over the last 3 years of those 4 years.
I took off on what I called my "adventure" (words can be powerful) after leaving a position that was increasingly debilitating stress, robbing me of all my joy in what I was doing. I will not dwell in the particulars, but I had sense for 2 years prior to departure something was amiss, something was not right.
I was right and I should had listen to my 1st thought, but in typical fashion I did what a lot of women do, I pretended it a'weigh. I worked harder, trying to prove it I had done it better, smiled harder, swallowing putrid stuff more that it would go a'weigh.
It didn't; if anything it escalated.
No need to go into it all or all the people involved; that time is gone all though I had to contend with with the residual that was left behind.
It took a serious toll on my health landing me in the cardiac unit of a hospital.. It was not a heart attack... It was unrelenting stress. It was not the 1st time I landed in a hospital with the previous time being 8 years prior from a similar situation.
"What was I thinking? Why didn't I "just" leave? How could you not know?" all the battery of "how comes" that people like to sprout with that tone of voice won't be needed.
What was, was
From 2006-to 2007 I put on a lot of weight and it was like nothing I did could stop this train going down hill with no breaks. I can attest that I was walking a lot, I was indeed mindful of what I was eating. I did not know at first that cortisol & adrenaline contributed mightily to fat retention. I was angry, depressed, enraged suppressing a tremendous amount of anger over circumstance I thought I could manage, that I could control.
So I thought.
I was not managing well and by the time I realize how big I had gotten and my swagger was reduced to a snails pace, my curious bright eyes were dulling and I was fitting into larger and larger clothes actually changing how I dressed to fit into an environment that was hostile to me and did not want me to fit in. They wanted me gone.
My pride came into play and I refused to let those who were creating the hostile condition to see me sweat to my biggest, no pun intended, regret.
Not letting them see me sweat wasn't the issue, I was not going to be not allowed my dignity in an undignified situation. While it sounded noble, it took a toll on me.
And then after my 3rd hospital stay as I laid on a operating table as they ran a tube up to my heart to see if I had any blockage and I watch that beautiful heart of mine doing what it needed to do,pumping mightily so I could function, I knew this had to stop.
I was not serving my heart, literally or figuratively, well. Nor myself.
FYI I had no heart trouble, no heart disease nada..
I have the pictures to prove I have a beautiful mind & a beautiful heart... I'd earned my purple heart
But this had to stop...
So I fled, I left the place, literally & figuratively,that at that time was causing me so much grief.
So I thought...
By early 2010, I was at my heaviest weight 320 lbs sick as I wanted to be. I never ever thought I would have seen me that heavy... I was a skinny kid, a slender active adult. People who knew me up close and personal then & now have been amazed how well I look now. I was amazed how badly I looked then.
But I am getting ahead of myself...
Understand please some of this weight gain had to do with an untreated medical issue that I could not seem to get the necessary help and surgery which could have resolved the issue. Being cut off from everything and everyone was taking its toll as well as losing my income, sense of self and my autonomy.
But stress was a huge, huge part of all of this too...
Instead of doing what I KNEW was the best thing for me, I still again let others decide for me what was good for me and ended up in Oregon instead of where I truly wanted to be with it being the worst mistake ever. But a silver lining in my being so isolated, it ended up being in one way the best thing happening as it gave me a chance to be still.
I started calling it my forced sabbatical...
I took the time in all the that physical beauty to see deeply inside my heart wrestling with myself. I needed to really peel away lots of layers of anger, hurt, disappointment, betrayal, humiliation, grief, longing sighing to see why and how I let this happen.
Then it dawned on me the why's and hows were no longer relevant...It would have been an exercise in futility. The external & internal factors were what they were.
And I was not going to beat up on myself...
I had already taken a beating.
Looking into a figurative mirror and ended up feel tenderness for myself. Even before the sabbatical, I had started actively peeling a'weigh layers, blogging, talking, writing, figuring supporting, being supported, researching, talking out loud...
I then got angry and allowed myself to feel anger, then sorrow, then grief and then back to tenderness. Finally I knew I had to do what I had to do.. get out and go!
Run that race,girl!
So I did.
I came home which was a symbolic act.
While my beloved hometown is still going through a transformative time, of readjusting, eliminated what was never useful, trying things out of their collective box with resistance, knowing this has to be done while all the time knowing it would not be easy; knowing that there will always be naysayers that even some of its on citizery will resist is a marvel on to itself.
I run parallel with that transformation. It is still an ongoing work in progress. I am however at a stage that I am not as easy a pushover any longer. I have gone through the fire. I am now approaching the bend with full steam and when I get around this curve look out!
The me today and the me even a year ago are two people. Both are me. I appreciate my body for caring for me, for holding me up despite it all.
I've gotten back some of my former energy, my humor and the sparkle in my eyes.
My heart is on fire and I am ready to roll!
Although I am not back yet at my former self & don't want to be that former self!
I get to decide what is best for me and in that there will not be any resentment, hurt, anger betrayals. No I do not expect life to be perfect, it won't be, but it will be me who gets to decide how I will shape myself.
Right now my "outties" are beginning to catch up with the "innies"...
I am smoothing myself out and so the way is being paved in such a'weigh I can have a life of my choice rather then one that others want to shape for me.
And you know what?
I righted myself... I got right.
I like it like that!
"Dead last finish is greater than Did Not Finish which greatly trumps Did Not Start." ~Unknown
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