Among all the things that seem to be reinventing themselves almost under warp speed and by their lonesome, it seems, I have also found myself becoming impatient with certain phrases, outdated attitudes and unrealistic expectations that when they do not happen gives license for a serious beat down on oneself.
In all due respect & without , seriously, me pointing any fingers as people can say or do whatever they want, I have found myself really annoyed and irritated when people talk about their experiences especially with working on their health as a "journey".
For me apart from it being trite, I never thought of doing this was somehow a destination to get to. I know we will have many experiences we will have if we live long enough, but the use of the word journey seems to have become so overuse that it has no meaning for me.
I also find it interesting that people I have known, some who I have loved, others I have put up with many I chose not be part of, seem to have more excitement as my weight is fallen off then they have of all the things I've accomplished over my life. While important, I just don't get how 30 pounds matters more then my artistic work, my being published, my rearing of amazing children and a bevy of other things I've done both while I was small and while I was larger.
I went there a few days ago while look for a poem I wrote that I thought was on my blog and had to go through the archives. While not finding what I was looking for, I found something more; I found myself in the pages of recent years and realized how creative I was and still am. I unconsciously was smiling at some of the passages, my thoughts and my visual art.
It was a great excursion into myself.
Yet people who just recently saw me, that never paid attention to me before I lost the weight were far more friendlier & "into" me then where they were 2 months ago. I found it odd, somewhat disconcerting and a tad bit troubling as they were more thrilled with the weight release then that my health was far better off since the surgeries.
I do not see it as my problem and yes I know people can be just a tad bit superficial. I am the same or should I say a more enhance me that had nothing to do with the 30 pounds, but that seem to be all that mattered (to some).
I guess I am adding to a growing list of "I've had enough's" .
i know what I am doing & why I am doing it. But now I am incline to say something when people rattle on about "NOW I will be one hot mama". Funny thing I always thought I was before this, like now my life will start and I thought my life was already chugging along quite merrily.
But then I guess that's what is seems a "journey"...
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