"No I am not a surrogate mother. I am not pregnant. It is a hernia. It has weighed me down (but not out)!
Moon o her porch needing TLC with hernia-Frontal.
Moon in her garden. It was blazing hot that day so my poor babies were wilting. (Yes I did water them)! 7-28-10
The plants like me needing some TLC
My front porch with the new plants that could use some TLC from Freecyle
Every man is going to have problems & sometimes he can be the problem for you"~N.N
No I am not blogging about men. This is about attitudes and how people that can make assumption that while initially are, I hope, without malice or intent to cause harm, can ultimately harm you.
I've spoken of it numerous times on my blogs of my challenges & frustrations, not so much about releasing weight, but more observational of life & culture and people as I continue to grow myself.
In less then 2 weeks I am schedule to have surgery to repair something that should have been cared for almost 2 years ago, but because of bias on the part of some professionals (and yes educated ones are not exempted from bigotry) access to badly needed surgery was not forthcoming..
I've had to pay for it in compromised health, economical & a wear on my heart & spirit. As of now I am so full literally & figuratively to the point there is no more room.
Literally, right now I am spilling my guts. I have what is a hernia, but it is not "just a hernia". If I was an elephant my abdomen would be right about the 2nd year gestational period for birth. The only thing that is preventing my intestines from spilling all over the floor (which would make an inconvenient mess) is my skin.
I went from an active, happy for the most part, humorous professional artist to someone who is now operating at perhaps on a good day 25% of where I was a few years ago.
All behind something that was fixable then & fixable now.
Over the course of the last 2 years, I've heard it all: People making assumptions about why you are the way you are to outright blaming while you suffer somehow holding you responsible for something that absolutely was not in your control.
Make no mistake, I do not see myself as a victim, so please do not make assumptions.
I have decided from this day forward as I continue to document this process since I 1st developed this hernia that now I will be very public from the surgery to recovery to reclamation to joy.
Despite what people may assume, I KNOW that once this is corrected I can correct all the rest.
I've been working on "the rest" for awhile, but with restriction because of the badly needed operation. It shouldn't have gotten to this point, but it has. It did. And it will be cared for.
One cannot unring that bell...
What is a weight issue will be far more manageable then it is now. I've gain 50 pounds simply from the inability to be very active. I have lots of limitations in my activity level right now because of a very real danger to my health until this surgery is done.
The surgery, I kid you not, once done, I will lose two dress sizes simply because of the distension. Several weeks down the pipeline , if all goes well, I will have my energy level back where I can be more physical. I've already been advised by the surgeon NOT to lift anything heavy for several weeks until fully healed & I will take him at his word.
I took these pictures of me the day I saw the surgeon so I can track & monitor my progress. My neighbor was kind enough to do it full frontal and side view. I wanted people to see what I look like. Perhaps for some they will believe me when I say "I'm not fat, I have a hernia" or if I am in a good mood "I am not pregnant, its a hernia".
It won't matter in the long run whether people will believe me or not. I've learned you cannot argue with beliefs. Beliefs are not often based on reality but on a person's attitudes, biases or their life's experiences and has little to do with you.
I just know from this day forward I will not be silent nor will I allow others to mar my life with their beliefs that can potentially cause me harm. I may not be able to stop all of it but I can surely stop a lot of it.
I've been enabled to gather knowledge, to learn a lot of what I did not know and reconfirmed what I knew and now I can put them into my own action plan & my vision statement.
I am in no rush. It is not a competition for me. I expect some missteps and definitely mistakes.
I have already redefine myself while here in eating, health & well being.
I've watched others in their triumphs & joys & also in their setbacks, but continue to get up.
I do not like the word "journey" It is so overused and for me when I see someone using it weigh too often I think "oh oh they are setting themselves up for failure" based on the context they use the word "journey".
But hey if it works for them, so be it.
For me, I am not going anywhere, I am exactly where I need to be.
I will spare you what the hernia looks like in its entirety, so you still will not be able to see all of it, only what is pronounced in clothing which makes it understandable why people assume wrongly I'm just fat.
A part of what is helping me immensely has been gardening. Great for your well being. A great stress reducing. A wonderful group in New Orleans, the New Orleans Food & Farm Network
www.noffn.org has been instrumental in my getting a container garden started. This wonderful group should be investigate and those of you are donors and financial angels should check into this a a cause sending your charitable dollars to aid them to do even more!
Like many non-profits, they are struggling with budget cuts, but wealthy in aid & assisting others to have access to healthy food right at their fingertips which will benefit us all in the long run.
If you are in the New Orleans area you should check them out. In other places you probably have a similar program where there are groups who will help you put in a garden as they believe it is an inalienable right we should all have accessible healthy food that is affordable.
My morning ritual is to tend to the watering, feeding & plucking. It almost puts me in a meditative state & helps me to manage my blood pressure and cope with all the external stress. Having the healthy food is almost the lagniappe ( a little extra) from this. I started gardening again2 years ago when this nightmare.
This morning I acquire because of Free Cycle: www.freecycle.org a potted okra plant, passion flowers, chives and morning glories plus empty pots & a raised bed to transplant. I am like a kid in a candy store!
"Comfort & prosperity have never enriched the world as much as adversity has. Out of pain & problems has come the sweetest songs & the most gripping stories"~ Billy Graham
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