I got a secret, now if you promise not to tell anyone else, I’ll tell you my secret…
Are you ready for this? There has always been this little part of me that used to be much louder, but I have been holding my fire with bated breath for someone to come along and save me, protect me, and make my life somehow better.
Whew that felt better. And I know another secret that I have to hold you to on the point of hanging you by your hair and torturing you with a feather.
Promise?
Here it is…
I am not alone in those thoughts!
And I would suspect that this is a universal yearn for, and hankering of human beings from the beginning of time to know that we matter, and that we are cherished. That someone’s eyes light up when we walk into a room. I do not see where this wish will detract from my ability to care for myself or make me any less of an autonomous woman, just a very human one.
Once upon a time in the not so distant past, I, like a lot of other people had great angst and hurt because no one seemed to care enough for me to cherish me. I’ve had more then my share of people who used me, who feigned friendship (was it them or me?) making me and my life more like the Dew Drop Inn where for the price of a few minutes of attention you can have a genourmous (bigger then hugemongous) party, trash the house and then move on at my expense.
And while I thought I was successful in getting them out before the cops came and charged me with disturbing the peace, I was still left with the trash and debris. I became fatter, more anxious, and more injured because of one thing. I had left the dag-gone tape running.
We know the one, because most of us have hit that play button many times.
The one that told us that no matter what, we would be triumphant, we’d win the Nobel Peace Prize, find the cure for cancer, solve world hunger and establish peace. Even if we do all those things and throw in a Grammy or Oscar for good measure, we somehow feel we’re not good enough unless there is someone to genuinely care for us or about us.
Of course I am exaggerating here, but so is the tape. A gross amplification of what life really is and who we are in this life. I didn’t take the tape out and destroy it, I turned the volume down and it continued to drone on unremittingly.
So we hold back our fire, at least I did; though there are many times I couldn’t hold the fire back.
Despite the low grade tape still incessantly running nearly inaudible in my conscious thoughts, I did some things quite well and far more successful then what some of the silhouette people had prophesized.
I read this quote last night, “You block your dream when you allow your fear to grow bigger then your faith” ~Mary Manin Morrissey. The desire to be cared for and cherished is not wrong, it’s very human. It’s when we allow that honest need to override our dreams, that it takes third row center in our lives and it tap dances all over our faith in doing what is right. The hitch is not to mute the tape, but pull it out, smash it, toss it in the recycling bin or delete it permanently and move on.
Release the fire to win the Nobel Peace Prize, find the cure for cancer, solve world hunger and establish peace, write seven award winning novels, and garner an Oscar,Grammy & make a mean to die for low fat, non-dairy omelet while you're at it..
Are you ready for this? There has always been this little part of me that used to be much louder, but I have been holding my fire with bated breath for someone to come along and save me, protect me, and make my life somehow better.
Whew that felt better. And I know another secret that I have to hold you to on the point of hanging you by your hair and torturing you with a feather.
Promise?
Here it is…
I am not alone in those thoughts!
And I would suspect that this is a universal yearn for, and hankering of human beings from the beginning of time to know that we matter, and that we are cherished. That someone’s eyes light up when we walk into a room. I do not see where this wish will detract from my ability to care for myself or make me any less of an autonomous woman, just a very human one.
Once upon a time in the not so distant past, I, like a lot of other people had great angst and hurt because no one seemed to care enough for me to cherish me. I’ve had more then my share of people who used me, who feigned friendship (was it them or me?) making me and my life more like the Dew Drop Inn where for the price of a few minutes of attention you can have a genourmous (bigger then hugemongous) party, trash the house and then move on at my expense.
And while I thought I was successful in getting them out before the cops came and charged me with disturbing the peace, I was still left with the trash and debris. I became fatter, more anxious, and more injured because of one thing. I had left the dag-gone tape running.
We know the one, because most of us have hit that play button many times.
The one that told us that no matter what, we would be triumphant, we’d win the Nobel Peace Prize, find the cure for cancer, solve world hunger and establish peace. Even if we do all those things and throw in a Grammy or Oscar for good measure, we somehow feel we’re not good enough unless there is someone to genuinely care for us or about us.
Of course I am exaggerating here, but so is the tape. A gross amplification of what life really is and who we are in this life. I didn’t take the tape out and destroy it, I turned the volume down and it continued to drone on unremittingly.
So we hold back our fire, at least I did; though there are many times I couldn’t hold the fire back.
Despite the low grade tape still incessantly running nearly inaudible in my conscious thoughts, I did some things quite well and far more successful then what some of the silhouette people had prophesized.
I read this quote last night, “You block your dream when you allow your fear to grow bigger then your faith” ~Mary Manin Morrissey. The desire to be cared for and cherished is not wrong, it’s very human. It’s when we allow that honest need to override our dreams, that it takes third row center in our lives and it tap dances all over our faith in doing what is right. The hitch is not to mute the tape, but pull it out, smash it, toss it in the recycling bin or delete it permanently and move on.
Release the fire to win the Nobel Peace Prize, find the cure for cancer, solve world hunger and establish peace, write seven award winning novels, and garner an Oscar,Grammy & make a mean to die for low fat, non-dairy omelet while you're at it..
. The rest of us will be better for it and we will cherish you for it.
Now that just might be me, and how cool is that!
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