Ya Ya!

I am loving this written by Paula a fellow Sparker! Please note all words are hers and hers alone but I think you will appreciate the flavor & the passion of which she speaks...

Paula words 8-10-09

Being Fat is the Best thing that ever Happened to Me!

OK I need to make a DISCLAIMER to any of you reading this: I AM NOT SAYING ALL SLENDER PEOPLE ARE MEAN AND INSENSITIVE, nor am I saying that they are all “beeyotches”

But this is aimed at those that cannot imagine ever “allowing themselves to go” or who think the world will end if they were ever scarred in some way.

It’s also aimed at anyone who has ever felt that they should be ashamed of their weight…of felt like the world has no interest in you if you aren’t physically perfect!

OK here we go….

Can I just say I had a revelation this weekend? For most of my adult life I was a slender, fit “pageant girl” the kind many other women looked at with envy.I took my appearance for granted and looked down at those who were less than attractive as “undisciplined, lazy, or at the very least unfortunate” I never realized how cruel and narrow minded me and my fellow skinny friends could be. I will affectionately refer to them and other “never-been-fat, don’t-understand-how-you-let-that-happen-to-you” people in the blog as the beeyotches!(for you older ladies, I know it sounds crass but- it seriously IS used as a term of affection in many cases)

LOL.

This weekend I was at the gym –bloated up with my period and trying to hide under one of my husbands 3xl “moo-moo-on-me-shirts”! I was standing beside the stretch mats and this very friendly woman who probably weighs about 40 or 50 pounds less than me was asking 2 skinny beeyotches (again it IS said with affection!) about their families etc…just being NICE. She was wearing one of those 2 piece workout outfits that have the tight legging style pants and a long line top that looks like a tank but with a built in bra. Yeah she wasn’t the most slender thing on 2 feet but you could tell she had been working hard and was feeling good about herself lumps an all!

After she walked away, the 2 skinny beeyotches started laughing with each other AT her(Ok THAT time it was NOT said affectionately I admit!) One said “someone ought to tell her that spandex is a privilege NOT a right” the other laughed and said “yeah you’d think her mirror would let her know that outfit is NOT her friend”.

I thought to myself “NEITHER ARE EITHER ONE OF YOU!” I sat there stunned at their callousness to someone who had been really sweet to them- and a few things went through my head first was SHAME that “I” had once been a skinny beeyotch just like them!(AGAIN definitely NOT affectionately!)

The second was anger that they could be so mean towards an obviously nice woman who took the time to show them some interest and attention. I also realized I felt a sort of camaraderie with said woman. I realized that by wearing clothing designed by “Omar the tent maker” I was feeding into that mentality the 2 skinny girls had! I was, in a way, condoning the idea that larger women should cover up and be ashamed of their curves…and that basically wearing spandex skivvies for “clothing”(and I use that term VERY loosely) is perfectly fine for young slender girls who should be allowed to flaunt what they have…or actually in this case- what they DON’T have…like cellulite, pooches, bags, rolls and other sundry and assorted lumps.

While I am not saying that being overweight is a good thing- I AM saying that there are too many unrealistically “THIN” role models thrown at all women today….and not enough real healthy ones. So anyone who feels less than perfect should cower beneath expansive clothing to hide their faults….and women, as a whole have bought into this and shamefully tuck under “fat clothes” hoping the rest of the world won’t notice the extra 5, 10 or even 100 pounds we’re trying to hide!

(Admit it..even if you ARE fit, thin and look FABULOUS!- you STILL have a pair of “skinny jeans” that you would never wear when you feel bloated…I had’em…even when I only weighed 117 pounds and was a model myself!)

Today’s women basically live in a self built prison of shame that is exemplified in the clothing we wear…and even more so in the clothing others EXPECT us to wear! The more I thought about it…the more steamed I got that I have basically made myself a prisoner of these narrow and unfair fashion dictates and the underlying prejudices that formed them. I looked at that woman in her tight Spandex and suddenly I admired her chutzpah!

Suddenly the “woman with the pot belly over in the elliptical became a “MOM” whose body had done the amazing feat of childbirth! In fact all the non-perfect people in the gym became amazing people who had accomplished wondrous things- that combined with time had taken a toll on their physical appearance.

A 70 something- year old woman coming out of the sauna met my eyes and gave me a BEAMING smile…and her laugh lines were beautiful! And here I was ashamed and trying to hide under a mountain of clothes!

Never let it be said that I have ever been shy…in fact I have been compared to May West and Bette Midler so many times I lost count. Those are two women who just don’t (pardon this) Give a flying F@(K what ANYONE has ever thought about them! Not only do I admire them- but the entire world did too because THEY loved who and what they were/are and didn’t allow the world to tell them who and what they should be. They were trendsetters and as a result- LEGENDARY!

Now, I am certainly NOT a legend, nor would I even consider myself a trendsetter- But I DO consider myself an independent, intelligent woman. And, even though I need to lose a considerable amount of weight- I am still attractive! I am also EVERY BIT as brash and flamboyant as MAY or BETTE which means I’m pretty much plain spoken.

What I wanted to say to those two unthinking and cruel girls was…ummm…”Less than polite” (LOL) But What I REALLY wanted was to thumb my nose(and all my other oversized body parts ) at those 2 beeyotches!(this time it actually IS an analogy of comparing them to female dogs- I hope the dogs forgive me for wronging them like that!) I thought about it…I wasn’t wearing spandex…but I did have on a sport bra and a somewhat fitted tank under that mongo teeshirt with workout pants…and I WOULD be much more comfortable in less layers...

So, took a deep breath (which lifted my GI-NOR-MOUS boobies to an impressive stature-I must say!) I stood up and lifted my Moo Moo over my head. I stood there , defiantly for a momant ignoring the wave of shame rolling over me at having all my rolls, bumps and pooches on display in my tank and workout pants (not spandex or skin tight- but bad enough!)

As I stood there with the “shame of being less than perfect” and the “Take THAT you skinny Beeyotches!” attitude fighting for supremacy…SOMETHING AMAZING HAPPENED….a man walked by and WHISTLED! (Ok here is where you picture an interlude break for the Hallelujah Chorus while the sun breaks through the storm clouds and shines directly on MOI!!) lalalala…LALALALALA LAAAAAH!! I felt like singing!

I gave that man a huge smile then proceeded to waddle/prance my way over to the NICE woman in the spandex! I introduced myself not giving a HOOT if my butt looked MONGO…or that my waist was rolling over my pants. Heck I wasn’t even concerned with any spillage that may or not be happening up top on the sides (though that fat-back is something I have to work on-LOL) As we spoke, she confirmed my assessment she was a truly NICE person!

THAT may not sound like much of a revelation to you but if you consider this, “I used to BE those skinny beeyotches” with all their prejudices, lack of compassion and nonexistent insight…my revelation was that being FAT may have been the best thing that has ever happened to me! Because I got FAT- I learned a lesson about understanding that there is more to looks than weight.

I’ve been a skinny beeyotch myself(and still have NUMEROUS friends that qualify as such)…and now I’m a heifer!(My skinny beeyotch friends still love me!)(again that WAS affectionately) I’m MUCH more comfortable in my own skin now than I ever was then! Granted- I need to be healthy and thus I will lose the weight- but I will NEVER have that “ cruel narrow minded mentality” towards those with imperfections again! And ya know what else??? I have a new friend! One who knows that things I have been through, who understands my insecurities and embarrassment and best of all -One won’t talk about me behind my back. We’re meeting to walk tomorrow!

Oh and in regards to the skinny beeyotches both in this blog and elsewhere who wouldn’t want to be seen with an overweight “friend”…Honey- y’all won’t be young forever and one day you’ll understand that your “LOOKS” should be the weakest link in the chain of your “ATTRIBUTES” anyway.

THEN you can be lucky enough to be friends with those of us that don’t CARE if spandex is a right or a privilege…we wear WHAT we want when we want. FAT is only skin deep…MEAN is to the BONE…actually so is UGLY(inside OR out!)…and us heifers can ALWAYS diet!

LMAO!

The Belly Project

http://thebellyproject.wordpress.com/

I discovered this today and would suggest you see. The Belly Project came about by 2 health educators to show that we've become so used to airbrushed/photoshopped images of women's bodies that we think something is wrong with ours since we cannov measure up and truth be told neither the models can too n real life.

Bellies come in all sapes and sizes, no 2 are alike. And we wonder why we have sucha distorted picture of what real women look like. And then we can be surprised we are vhe norm and not the exceptions. I carried 6 babies but just now having stretch marks because of a distention due an enlarged hernia. Stretch marks are a badge of honor if you have borne life into the world and distorted images of how bad it is or how ugly or whavever people may think needs to be revamped. Nov all the women shown have had babies and bellies are round, concaved, hanging whatever. In the final anylysis trying to meet unrealistic expectations does no one any good and does not futher the cause for what needs to be right in the world...

No More Drama...

Please do not think you are exempt if you are not African American...Get to stepping, moving, remove what is humanely possible any and all that causes you grief.

Have a svress free diet. Iv can be done in different degrees of modificaion. Create the vision plan that works for you hat is healthy safe A& productive...Believe it or not music you enjoy can do it, laughter, sharing, dancing, plants in your home, prayer, meditation, writing are some ways.

Stress May Raise Diabetes Risk for Obese Black Women


Surge in anxiety-linked hormone worsens blood sugar level, researchers suggest

THURSDAY, March 5 (HealthDay News) -- Stress may play a key role in the development of type 2 diabetes in obese black women, U.S. researchers say.


"Much attention has been given to the role of obesity in the development of type 2 diabetes, but stress may be as important in this at-risk population," study co-author Anastasia Georgiades, of Duke University in Durham, N.C., said in a news release.


The study included 62 healthy, non-diabetic black women who were asked to recall stressful life events. As they did, the researchers measured the women's levels of blood sugar and epinephrine, the "fight or flight" hormone that's released in reaction to stress.


Women with high epinephrine levels (25 picograms or more per milliliter of blood) while recalling stressful events and with more belly fat (33 percent or more of total body fat) had significantly higher fasting glucose scores (about 100 milligrams per deciliter) than women with lower epinephrine levels and less belly fat (85 mg/dl). A fasting blood glucose level of 100 mg/dl is considered within the low range of pre-diabetes, and a level of 125 mg/dl is the benchmark for type 2 diabetes.


Women with high epinephrine levels and more belly fat also had bigger increases in blood sugar levels during the stress test.


The findings were to be presented this week at the annual scientific meeting of the American Psychosomatic Society.


"While we don't fully understand the nature of the association, women with abdominal obesity may be more vulnerable to the impact of stress -- causing their body to increase blood sugar production and elevating their risk for diabetes," Georgiades said.


Further research is needed to determine exactly how epinephrine production affects blood sugar levels in black women. Nearly one in four black women in the United States has type 2 diabetes, according to the American Diabetes Association.

information
The U.S. National Institute of Diabetes and Digestive and Kidney Diseases has more about type 2 diabetes.
Content bySOURCE: American Psychosomatic Society, news release, March 4, 2009

Be Nice! Saying it so much...

A sharp tongue can cut your own throat. ~Author Unknown

Words matter so much and just like the previous article of May 17th blog, I do believe how we speak to ourselves can have profound, lasting effects on our psyche & how we function joyfully.

While it is incumbent for us to pay less attention to the language others use to us if it is not upbuilding, encouraging or truth filled, we need to pay attention, close attention to how we speak to ourselves & that includes how we think about ourselves. While we cannot go around beating folks up or editing every word they say to us, we can be proactive about our usage of words we direct toward ourselves & about ourselves.

It seems to be some of the time far easier to be proactive when others use what my mom use to call "nice-nasty" when I was a child, sugar coated words aimed to cut to the quick, while allowing the speaker to abdicate responsibility or feign ignorance at what their intentions were. We feel when those words are hurled though we may not at at first take know what is happening. Nice nasty words are quite effective and allows people to behave as snipers, wrecking damage & harm and fleeing incognito.

Somehow, eventually realize when its been done by others as it makes us uncomfortable & may find ourselves drawing away from the sniper We do not have to listen & it is easier in some cases to manage how much time we want to spend with ones who want to reduce us or themselves. But what if you're the one doing it to yourself?

What I am attempting to address here is more about people who may set goals that are so unrealistic that they are doomed to fail because they really do not want to succeed. Again, if you reference back to the article of May 17th, and read what the columnist say about the types of words we use in setting weight loss goals.I do believe that sometimes people get more out of martyrdom or in the power of victimization in a host of ways.

Make no mistake I am not saying they set out to do this, but as someone told me about the hormonal rush. I do not see it as a hard & fast rule, nor am I looking to beat up on anyone. I think people being beaten up occurs far too much as it in with people struggling with their weight either by themselves or by others. And it is so defeating an unworkable, so looking for a new paradigm is needed. Looking back in retrospect, I could see some of the times long ago, when I use "nice" words that were in essence self defeating. Wasn't intentional, but nonetheless it was there.

Women are particularly prone to this as we are so conditioned (don't matter the culture or land) to be "nice". I find that word in itself not a bad word, but I think used out of context when really the right one would be passive or fearful. I've been guilty of it too many times in the past and had to come to a painful reality it was what in part fueled & sustain my weight gain & maintenance.

It made me realize though how far I've come just recently when I made a simple request to someone that a no would have suffice,. Instead she agreed to do it and then came back with a "nice-nasty" remark talking to me in a very patronizing way with that sing-songy voice women use when talking to a 4 year old.

I picked up on that and addressed it full on and she justified and did acknowledge she was annoyed of my making the request not knowing I did not have access to the request. Her justification came with "well that is my background upbringing of being nice when I did not want to do it". As I told her I did understand the word no and knew what it meant & it would have been ok. She apologized though it would have been far easier to have not been so "nice" from the beginning.

What was really a small clump of dirt became more of a molehill. But for me it serves as an epiphany. sadly I lost a little respect for her while I wondered how many other times she was being "nice" insincerely, to me. My epiphany was how many times had I done that myself? Being "nice" when it should have been an emphatic , resounding NO! But I did it anyway got angry, swallowed the anger again & again until physically speaking I did not recognize myself any longer. For me that lack of recognition came about 3 years ago...

But though to some it may seem contradictory I am not mad at her. She did me a favor. Nor for that fact, mad at myself any longer. I had in the process before being more aware lost some of my self respect in bits & pieces,the anger, sadness & longing which I believe fueled my weight gain. It was "the pecking to death" as Dr. Maya Angelou states, the small pieces of me in the passivity & fear masquerading in the the words we use in a collective ,"niceness" .

One of the advantages (very few where I geographically am) is that I have spent a lot of time alone in my own private retreat is having that primal scream while sanding down so to speak the stripping away work previously done & now polishing to a high luster my "inny's". Before I could take care of the "outies", I had to do a lot of work. Slow, tedious, sometimes painful, other times humorous, other times with great surprise to get to where I am today. And while he work continues it is no longer as painful, tedious or as hard as it had been. I am I hope the last dance, the last hurrah, the last leg.

(Ok now someone stop me with the metaphors)... And the things I thought I would dread knowing about was not as bad as I initially thought it would be. Yeah it hurts, but far more manageable then I would have said in the beginning of all of this. And here have been some folks who were moved out of third row center to the balcony, some to the mezzanine, others into the lobby and quite a few more out of the theater. However it was harder in some ways to watch my own wording to myself!

I can easily tell you I was not one for using harsh, over the top words directed toward myself. But the "niceness" kept getting in the way of my progress. I was not (then) seeing what was passing as "nice" was really a very passive/fearful way of dealing with some issues (and people) that need to be taken to task & for me it was not wanting what I thought was the ultimate pain. So I was "nice" because I understood. I understood all too well & in some of this I shoulder what was not mine to shoulder.

Another favorite quote for me by Dr. Angelou is "Quite complaining. Whining lets a bully know that a victim is in the room". She is right. I didn't like it, but she was right. I wanted people to be "nice" but they were "nice-nasty". It was easier ,way to easy, to not stand up & even if my biggest fear came true I would be ok.

And guess what? I am ok! In fact far more then ok...

It is still not as hard but not easy allowing myself definitive justifiable anger flying around in the dust of the sanding as old habits die hard but who said it would be hard or easy? I told a friend (one of the few remaining ones) that I feel depleted, internally empty, but not in a woe is me way. More like I am spent from emptying out all the stuff that's weighed me down.

Now I am cleaning out the dust from the sanding and onto polishing to a high gloss finish.

How cool is that?

All right reservedJHM 5-18-09©

Cajun Chicken Caesar Salad

Cajun Chicken Caesar Salad
Serves: 1


A spicy Cajun twist to the familiar Caesar Salad. Simple to make and low on fat.

INGREDIENTS

1/2 large boneless, skinless chicken breast Cajun spice (to taste) Hot sauce (to taste)

2 cups romaine lettuce

2 tablespoons reduced fat Caesar salad dressing

2 tablespoons grated Parmesan cheese

DIRECTIONS

1. Sprinkle spice and hot sauce on chicken breast, catering to your own taste, and grill chicken on skillet or grill (chicken is done when light pink has disappeared from center).

2. Toss lettuce, dressing, and chicken to evenly distribute throughout salad.

3. Add Parmesan cheese to taste, and serve.


NUTRITION INFO (per serving)

Calories: 196.1

Fat: 3.3 g

Carbohydrates: 7.4 g

Protein: 31.7 g

Holding my Fire

I got a secret, now if you promise not to tell anyone else, I’ll tell you my secret…

Are you ready for this? There has always been this little part of me that used to be much louder, but I have been holding my fire with bated breath for someone to come along and save me, protect me, and make my life somehow better.


Whew that felt better. And I know another secret that I have to hold you to on the point of hanging you by your hair and torturing you with a feather.

Promise?

Here it is…

I am not alone in those thoughts!

And I would suspect that this is a universal yearn for, and hankering of human beings from the beginning of time to know that we matter, and that we are cherished. That someone’s eyes light up when we walk into a room. I do not see where this wish will detract from my ability to care for myself or make me any less of an autonomous woman, just a very human one.


Once upon a time in the not so distant past, I, like a lot of other people had great angst and hurt because no one seemed to care enough for me to cherish me. I’ve had more then my share of people who used me, who feigned friendship (was it them or me?) making me and my life more like the Dew Drop Inn where for the price of a few minutes of attention you can have a genourmous (bigger then hugemongous) party, trash the house and then move on at my expense.

And while I thought I was successful in getting them out before the cops came and charged me with disturbing the peace, I was still left with the trash and debris. I became fatter, more anxious, and more injured because of one thing. I had left the dag-gone tape running.
We know the one, because most of us have hit that play button many times.

The one that told us that no matter what, we would be triumphant, we’d win the Nobel Peace Prize, find the cure for cancer, solve world hunger and establish peace. Even if we do all those things and throw in a Grammy or Oscar for good measure, we somehow feel we’re not good enough unless there is someone to genuinely care for us or about us.

Of course I am exaggerating here, but so is the tape. A gross amplification of what life really is and who we are in this life. I didn’t take the tape out and destroy it, I turned the volume down and it continued to drone on unremittingly.

So we hold back our fire, at least I did; though there are many times I couldn’t hold the fire back.

Despite the low grade tape still incessantly running nearly inaudible in my conscious thoughts, I did some things quite well and far more successful then what some of the silhouette people had prophesized.

I read this quote last night, “You block your dream when you allow your fear to grow bigger then your faith” ~Mary Manin Morrissey. The desire to be cared for and cherished is not wrong, it’s very human. It’s when we allow that honest need to override our dreams, that it takes third row center in our lives and it tap dances all over our faith in doing what is right. The hitch is not to mute the tape, but pull it out, smash it, toss it in the recycling bin or delete it permanently and move on.

Release the fire to win the Nobel Peace Prize, find the cure for cancer, solve world hunger and establish peace, write seven award winning novels, and garner an Oscar,Grammy & make a mean to die for low fat, non-dairy omelet while you're at it..

. The rest of us will be better for it and we will cherish you for it.

Now that just might be me, and how cool is that!