Now can we create a model of confidence for ourselves?

Now can we create a model of confidence for ourselves?

Il est maintenant temps, (Now is Time)

I pray I am not stepping on toes here (and if I am hopefully not too hard) but are we "fixer-uppers"? I know I was, once upon a season.

And I wasn't alone. So many women, moi included once upon a time, was or still are that way. It may seem to be more prevalent among women, but lots of me have that "fixer-upper" mentality though they like to call it something else.

And society seems to reward women in some way for grounding themselves into the ground for others even if the fixing was not asked for or welcomed. It may be very telling in your conversation...I knew it had been in mine. Being a fixer-upper isn't always a bad thing or unfavorable Another way it can be is in altruism, philanthropy, being of service, being the confidant, the best girlfriend supportive husband & wife, great parent or wonderful daughter or son. Excellent neighbor..

Where it can become a problem is when you spread yourself so thin what could have been a joy because a pain in the amply endowed added dimensions. And for some it may be quite difficult to extricate oneself for your benefit & sometimes the relief of others. :=) However the good news is the same skills you have to spread yourself "too thin" for other people are the same ones you can utilize for yourself.

Now my discovery:

In the last 3 and really intensely the last 1 1/2 years for me not only did I realize how much I had shrank inside myself. You are reading about a woman who really likes myself, comfortable in my own skin but allowing for my own frailties my humanity, somehow I let outside distractions get the better of me. I had been saying for 3 years "it is time" but not even knowing what the time wiser where "it" was. I kept on saying it although I did not know what it meant for me.

During this time I had 3 reoccurring dreams which I will leave for another time that were so vivid they were palpable. And guess what my resentment, anger & disappointment eased tremendously.

But see now I've jumped ahead of myself...

My anger came from not only from feeling forced to step up to the plate for things that were not my responsibilities, but after all the work, sacrificing time or money, put in, not even a word of thank you. Or when it came time to play or reap the rewards I was pushed aside until I was needed again.

Even all the art, being busy and successful getting a tremendous amount of national public exposure including not once but 3 times solo exhibitions it only served as a distraction for submerging a lot of anger & rage as to how I had been treated. I had been resented not because of who I was but because those who did not want change brought there, resenting the changes brought about though it would benefit all, some in part with my humble contributions.

I also had a lot of anger & hurt at my family who over the 17 years of my career ever took me or my career seriously and not even a mini blurb on Oprah,being published or NBC Today Show or being published ever made them blink.

But now back to this assignment.

I was singled out because people initially thought I would be the most vulnerable & because I had been personally appointed by the lead person.. Subsequently the resentment grew the more I did my job well and brought prestige & attention to the position that the saboteurs had been unable to acquire. And adding fuel to the fire, they could not touch me to fire me as no one could do that but the head person as I only answered to her. So the saboteurs sabotaged me other ways what Maya Angelou calls "pecking to death".

And I swallowed many and indignity because I gave my word to the powers that be. I believed in what we were doing and I believed in my ability to carry out what I was charged to do. In time, over 3 1/2 years I won over some of my naysayer although that had not been my intent, but I thought they begrudgingly had to admire my sincerity & dignity in doing my work (some did) most did not.

I swallowed my way into 75 extra pounds in that time from 2007-....

I woke up one day and the same distance I could walk easily without breaking a sweat I was huffing/ puffing, swollen ankles and sad. Somewhere in all of this I lost me. I put myself on the side of the rode and left me there.

Well my big mistake was I forgot and got comfortable. I convinced myself that things were better although no one else had changed their behavior. If the truth be told I had gotten too comfortable, fearful & frankly lazy to make the stand & make the move. I wanted people to treat me better, but the fact I had tolerated misbehavior for 3 years signal to them something differently.

All the recriminations of why I should have left, why I should not have take even a short term extension did not take a way why I needed to exit out. I came within a month to regret that decision to stay.

Now my pride was in the way. and it became a nightmare to put it mildly. But I was not going to let them bring me down is the lie I told myself... My reward was a hospital stay in a cardiac unit May 2008. It was the end of a culmultive amount of mad major stress although I had not had a heart attack or a stroke.

I have however as a silver lining proof positive that I did indeed have a beautiful mind and a enormous heart filled with love.

If I did not want to face it before, I had to face it then. there is nothing like having a tube stuck up the inner chambers of one's heart to face the piper!

Where I lived my home was situated in such a way that it was physically impossible to avoid day in and day out all the reminders of what pain had been during that stressful time. I could not as long as I lived there, I would not ever have a way to alleviate the anger and the betrayal. I had to get out.. it was time to go. And I did not look back.

Now the present:

If I have a silver lining out of my Oregon "sabbatical" has been if has really forced me to spend a great deal of time by myself and with that see what I was doing and why I also had such a great weight gain from 2006-09. And especially since I've seen such a deterioration of my health in the last year! I mean massive weight gain that morphed taking a life of it's on!

I swallowed, not in literally food, but a lot of anger, indignation sadness hurt & betrayal while convincing myself I was doing the right thing for the right reasons. In actuality, I was doing all the right things for the wrong reasons and I paid for it in my health, weight & peace of mind. When I rebelled last July by 1st leaving NC and now leaving Oregon next month I had declared my own revolution.

In fact I think on this blog one of my entries title was "Talk about a Revolution"... I understand truly I do get it and not ungrateful for coming here. My friend Karen says "God needed to sit you down in a quiet place with no familiar distractions so you can really get down to the core scrubbing out the last of what had been ailing you. Sometimes when there is a cleansing you will get sick before you get better" All this time I've said "Its time" and now I am saying "Now is the Time".

Spending the last year among the natural beauty of Oregon has helped me despite the actions and attitudes of the "2 legged critters". It ended up being a blessing in disguise not being engaged more then absolutely necessary with folks here as I needed a refuge to be still and see inwardly working it outwardly But I also know this is not the place for me on so many levels.

I am sharing this to say sooner or later in one way or the other we will have I pray a moment when it simply is enough and you will be so done it won't be funny. Not because of my experience, because you nor I will be the 1st or the last to have that moment.

Some will resist furiously all the way to the end, others will yield and find their way and yet others will implode. I know and have known there are those who won't get me, others who will not take me seriously, yet others who will try to diminish.

No it is not ok,it will just be what it is and I can let that be. I know whatever those folks do, it is their problem and they will find their own solutions, but I do not need to fix it for them or be a chameleon or have undue stress because they have a problem.

Back in I believe Mar or April I walked away from a lot of things and a lot of people & with the exception of writing in my 2 blogs, from everything I was participating in. I did not plan to. Something welled up and I was through. Done. I had nothing to say to people. It wasn't anything they did any differently nor was I having an epiphany I was just done.

About a month ago very gingerly I returned to some groups to see if I wanted to resume and guess what? No great surprise I did not. I mean I was happy to have checked in and caught up and do plan for time to time but it was not for me. In some cases, I actually felt a tinge of sadness but it was a phantom like sadness like you can look at the memories and smile but it was gone. Some people, things, activities, the weight all served a purpose and I am thankful for that time and the purpose.

I will be 60 next summer and I am not going to enter that decade without being light and I feel very light. Despite this very temporary setback with the hernia & all I am feeling really good and mad happy about this time.

I went back down that road and found where I had left me & bringing me on home... In fact, I will have my "Bringing it on Home" project launched in 2010 after I return back to my hometown of New Orleans in the fall of 2009.

And now I really feel like going to work and create especially when you think I have not done any creative work since Dec 2007! I mean where did the time go? I needed this time for me. I did not plan to take a 2 year hiatus and God knows I could not afford to do it and I struggled trying to force myself to create but my creative heart was not having it!

It has been difficult financially as I had not planned for the world to turn upside down with a recession, nor coming to a place that has chosen not to allow me to be part of the place. However I am grateful now for that exclusion.

I have no desire to bea party of or included anywhere with anybody who does not want me there. Nor do I have to fix it up.

I've said many a time here about liking oneself right where they are.

I do not have to put the fat down,or me down or anyone down in order to be firm and clear as to what I must do. For me to put the fat down means I have to put ME down and I am not having that. Accepting me as I am is simply that and treating myself well at 306, 275 or 200 is to respect me.

I cannot grasp the concept of in order to be serious about weight release I have to treat my body as the enemy. In fact the better I look at myself, the better chance, I feel of not only releasing the weight that is no longer viable but keeping it off.

It is why I say "release" rather then "lose". If you lose something that matters a lot consciously or unconsciously mean sooner or laver you will go looking for it.

Releasing is:To set free from confinement, restraint, or bondage...

"You've got it girl and some level you (I think) know you got it (the skills) to do it".

Il est maintenant temps, (Now is Time)

Ya Ya!

I am loving this written by Paula a fellow Sparker! Please note all words are hers and hers alone but I think you will appreciate the flavor & the passion of which she speaks...

Paula words 8-10-09

Being Fat is the Best thing that ever Happened to Me!

OK I need to make a DISCLAIMER to any of you reading this: I AM NOT SAYING ALL SLENDER PEOPLE ARE MEAN AND INSENSITIVE, nor am I saying that they are all “beeyotches”

But this is aimed at those that cannot imagine ever “allowing themselves to go” or who think the world will end if they were ever scarred in some way.

It’s also aimed at anyone who has ever felt that they should be ashamed of their weight…of felt like the world has no interest in you if you aren’t physically perfect!

OK here we go….

Can I just say I had a revelation this weekend? For most of my adult life I was a slender, fit “pageant girl” the kind many other women looked at with envy.I took my appearance for granted and looked down at those who were less than attractive as “undisciplined, lazy, or at the very least unfortunate” I never realized how cruel and narrow minded me and my fellow skinny friends could be. I will affectionately refer to them and other “never-been-fat, don’t-understand-how-you-let-that-happen-to-you” people in the blog as the beeyotches!(for you older ladies, I know it sounds crass but- it seriously IS used as a term of affection in many cases)

LOL.

This weekend I was at the gym –bloated up with my period and trying to hide under one of my husbands 3xl “moo-moo-on-me-shirts”! I was standing beside the stretch mats and this very friendly woman who probably weighs about 40 or 50 pounds less than me was asking 2 skinny beeyotches (again it IS said with affection!) about their families etc…just being NICE. She was wearing one of those 2 piece workout outfits that have the tight legging style pants and a long line top that looks like a tank but with a built in bra. Yeah she wasn’t the most slender thing on 2 feet but you could tell she had been working hard and was feeling good about herself lumps an all!

After she walked away, the 2 skinny beeyotches started laughing with each other AT her(Ok THAT time it was NOT said affectionately I admit!) One said “someone ought to tell her that spandex is a privilege NOT a right” the other laughed and said “yeah you’d think her mirror would let her know that outfit is NOT her friend”.

I thought to myself “NEITHER ARE EITHER ONE OF YOU!” I sat there stunned at their callousness to someone who had been really sweet to them- and a few things went through my head first was SHAME that “I” had once been a skinny beeyotch just like them!(AGAIN definitely NOT affectionately!)

The second was anger that they could be so mean towards an obviously nice woman who took the time to show them some interest and attention. I also realized I felt a sort of camaraderie with said woman. I realized that by wearing clothing designed by “Omar the tent maker” I was feeding into that mentality the 2 skinny girls had! I was, in a way, condoning the idea that larger women should cover up and be ashamed of their curves…and that basically wearing spandex skivvies for “clothing”(and I use that term VERY loosely) is perfectly fine for young slender girls who should be allowed to flaunt what they have…or actually in this case- what they DON’T have…like cellulite, pooches, bags, rolls and other sundry and assorted lumps.

While I am not saying that being overweight is a good thing- I AM saying that there are too many unrealistically “THIN” role models thrown at all women today….and not enough real healthy ones. So anyone who feels less than perfect should cower beneath expansive clothing to hide their faults….and women, as a whole have bought into this and shamefully tuck under “fat clothes” hoping the rest of the world won’t notice the extra 5, 10 or even 100 pounds we’re trying to hide!

(Admit it..even if you ARE fit, thin and look FABULOUS!- you STILL have a pair of “skinny jeans” that you would never wear when you feel bloated…I had’em…even when I only weighed 117 pounds and was a model myself!)

Today’s women basically live in a self built prison of shame that is exemplified in the clothing we wear…and even more so in the clothing others EXPECT us to wear! The more I thought about it…the more steamed I got that I have basically made myself a prisoner of these narrow and unfair fashion dictates and the underlying prejudices that formed them. I looked at that woman in her tight Spandex and suddenly I admired her chutzpah!

Suddenly the “woman with the pot belly over in the elliptical became a “MOM” whose body had done the amazing feat of childbirth! In fact all the non-perfect people in the gym became amazing people who had accomplished wondrous things- that combined with time had taken a toll on their physical appearance.

A 70 something- year old woman coming out of the sauna met my eyes and gave me a BEAMING smile…and her laugh lines were beautiful! And here I was ashamed and trying to hide under a mountain of clothes!

Never let it be said that I have ever been shy…in fact I have been compared to May West and Bette Midler so many times I lost count. Those are two women who just don’t (pardon this) Give a flying F@(K what ANYONE has ever thought about them! Not only do I admire them- but the entire world did too because THEY loved who and what they were/are and didn’t allow the world to tell them who and what they should be. They were trendsetters and as a result- LEGENDARY!

Now, I am certainly NOT a legend, nor would I even consider myself a trendsetter- But I DO consider myself an independent, intelligent woman. And, even though I need to lose a considerable amount of weight- I am still attractive! I am also EVERY BIT as brash and flamboyant as MAY or BETTE which means I’m pretty much plain spoken.

What I wanted to say to those two unthinking and cruel girls was…ummm…”Less than polite” (LOL) But What I REALLY wanted was to thumb my nose(and all my other oversized body parts ) at those 2 beeyotches!(this time it actually IS an analogy of comparing them to female dogs- I hope the dogs forgive me for wronging them like that!) I thought about it…I wasn’t wearing spandex…but I did have on a sport bra and a somewhat fitted tank under that mongo teeshirt with workout pants…and I WOULD be much more comfortable in less layers...

So, took a deep breath (which lifted my GI-NOR-MOUS boobies to an impressive stature-I must say!) I stood up and lifted my Moo Moo over my head. I stood there , defiantly for a momant ignoring the wave of shame rolling over me at having all my rolls, bumps and pooches on display in my tank and workout pants (not spandex or skin tight- but bad enough!)

As I stood there with the “shame of being less than perfect” and the “Take THAT you skinny Beeyotches!” attitude fighting for supremacy…SOMETHING AMAZING HAPPENED….a man walked by and WHISTLED! (Ok here is where you picture an interlude break for the Hallelujah Chorus while the sun breaks through the storm clouds and shines directly on MOI!!) lalalala…LALALALALA LAAAAAH!! I felt like singing!

I gave that man a huge smile then proceeded to waddle/prance my way over to the NICE woman in the spandex! I introduced myself not giving a HOOT if my butt looked MONGO…or that my waist was rolling over my pants. Heck I wasn’t even concerned with any spillage that may or not be happening up top on the sides (though that fat-back is something I have to work on-LOL) As we spoke, she confirmed my assessment she was a truly NICE person!

THAT may not sound like much of a revelation to you but if you consider this, “I used to BE those skinny beeyotches” with all their prejudices, lack of compassion and nonexistent insight…my revelation was that being FAT may have been the best thing that has ever happened to me! Because I got FAT- I learned a lesson about understanding that there is more to looks than weight.

I’ve been a skinny beeyotch myself(and still have NUMEROUS friends that qualify as such)…and now I’m a heifer!(My skinny beeyotch friends still love me!)(again that WAS affectionately) I’m MUCH more comfortable in my own skin now than I ever was then! Granted- I need to be healthy and thus I will lose the weight- but I will NEVER have that “ cruel narrow minded mentality” towards those with imperfections again! And ya know what else??? I have a new friend! One who knows that things I have been through, who understands my insecurities and embarrassment and best of all -One won’t talk about me behind my back. We’re meeting to walk tomorrow!

Oh and in regards to the skinny beeyotches both in this blog and elsewhere who wouldn’t want to be seen with an overweight “friend”…Honey- y’all won’t be young forever and one day you’ll understand that your “LOOKS” should be the weakest link in the chain of your “ATTRIBUTES” anyway.

THEN you can be lucky enough to be friends with those of us that don’t CARE if spandex is a right or a privilege…we wear WHAT we want when we want. FAT is only skin deep…MEAN is to the BONE…actually so is UGLY(inside OR out!)…and us heifers can ALWAYS diet!

LMAO!

Coming to a Fork in the Road~Can I Get a Witness?

A conversation on the difficulty in being our own cheerleader led me write this.

I was amazed how with such candor how many people struggle with giving praise to oneself & easy to another by citing different words (kinder words) to others and harsher ones to themselves... Somehow we've becomed so conditioned to believe if we give ourselves a compliment or praise that we are swelled head, boastful, prideful et al.

Where did we learn that? Should we take pride which in itself not a bad thing when we've done well? Or if we "failed" is it really failure? A favorite adage is "If I did all I could & did not succeed, at least I did not fail". Some do what they've seen or taught. And we are always being taught.

Make no mistake family, friends,associates,community, media you name it have a vested interest in making sure that conditioning continues. So do we... And it does not mean that intent is malovent perhaps when it is family or friends, buv how often have we heard the stories of ones who released weight made their goals and then people's attitude toward us change. And make no mistake, if you think well of yourself it can so rattle some, that they will be bound & invent at times to reduce you to how they see themselves instead of pulling out their own pom-poms.

Don't you let them do it.

And discounting our OWN emotional response to that attitude when all the things we thought should have happened once the weight was released is still there? Weight can be a reaction to a host of other things good bad or indifferent.

A a wise person said to me once when the weight peels off like thin membranes of an onion, what ever it insulated us from will still be there. Peeling away will like the onion bring tears, but it could be cleansing tears of release if we want.

I am a flawed person not always up but then I would need to be on medication :=) if I was way up there all the time. But I store away enough good cheer for myself to lift me up when I don't want to get up. Some already know this about me, I like to use is instead of the word weight "loss" is weight "release". It may seem awkward at 1st, but if you think about it when you lose something that means something to you, how much effort you put into "finding" it? And the weight DID indeed mean something,even if it does not now or matter as much!

So this is for posting your "atta girl" or "atta boy" for shifting the paradigm. If it is uncomfortable or you find yourself feeling you've "failed" how can you change that wording?

Example: I only lost 1 of the 2 pound goal I set, I've failed.

Rephrased: I lost a pound! Whoo Hoo!

Example: Although I said I would walk everyday, I only got in 2 days. I failed"

Rephrased: Maybe my original goal was not attained, but I DID get 2 days in" Whoo Hoo!

Or even looking at your body differently... How about thanking your body for carrying you all these years with whatever weighed you down? How about saying you're welcome when when your body respond with more pep when you nourished it? How about thank your body for breathing for functioning?

See how kind you are in your words to others, substitute YOUR NAME in its place, even if you do not believe it yet! It may sound silly in the beginning & some days may be more of a stretch then others, but you will indeed create new neurons & synapses in your brain, rewiring your thinking.

I did not want believe it at 1st but somewhere unbeknown to me my attitude shifted, 1st in somewhat small, subtle ways then in bigger ones. It takes on an average 30 days to undo and redo.

What will you have to lose?

Oh yeah weight!

A Chinese proverb states "Barn burn down. Now I can see the sky".

The Belly Project

http://thebellyproject.wordpress.com/

I discovered this today and would suggest you see. The Belly Project came about by 2 health educators to show that we've become so used to airbrushed/photoshopped images of women's bodies that we think something is wrong with ours since we cannov measure up and truth be told neither the models can too n real life.

Bellies come in all sapes and sizes, no 2 are alike. And we wonder why we have sucha distorted picture of what real women look like. And then we can be surprised we are vhe norm and not the exceptions. I carried 6 babies but just now having stretch marks because of a distention due an enlarged hernia. Stretch marks are a badge of honor if you have borne life into the world and distorted images of how bad it is or how ugly or whavever people may think needs to be revamped. Nov all the women shown have had babies and bellies are round, concaved, hanging whatever. In the final anylysis trying to meet unrealistic expectations does no one any good and does not futher the cause for what needs to be right in the world...

Nice try at justifying

The Real Reason That Ann Taylor Hates Plus Sizes
It has nothing to do with fat phobia.
Posted: Tuesday, June 9, 09 8:00am
By Virginia Postrel

See few story :http://www.doublex.com/section/life/real-reason-ann-taylor-hates-plus-sizes


The malls are empty, and retailers are crying for customers. American women are getting heavier by the day. Yet stores like Ann Taylor and Bloomingdale’s, and lines including Liz Claiborne and Ellen Tracy, are slashing their plus-size offerings—turning away potential sales and generating angry denunciations of “sizeism.”

“I will stop buying at Ann Taylor for anything,” declared commenter Savona in response to this Crain’s New York Business report on the retailer’s decision to eliminate size 16 from its stores, offering the size only online. “If they will not accommodate those who are willing to buy,” she continued, “then they don’t deserve our business for anything else—shoes, accessories, eyewear.”

Commenter Patricia vowed, “I will no longer shop at Ann Taylor until they cut the size 0 and size 2’s.”


Cutting back on larger sizes—or not offering them in the first place—is not only insulting, many people believe; it’s bad business. After all, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reports, in 2002 the average American woman weighed 164 pounds—nearly what the average man weighed in 1960. Why aren’t retailers serving this growing market? Are they just mean-girl fashionistas?


Cost is also a factor. Because they require more fabric, larger sizes are more expensive to manufacture. “The cost of clothing is disproportionately in the materials and not the labor, due to the shift in production to low-wage countries, which means that it is going to be more expensive to produce clothing for large-sized women, and more resources will be tied up in garments on the racks,” notes Susan Ashdown, a professor in the Department of Fiber Science & Apparel Design at Cornell and a leading researcher on improving apparel fit. Imagine the fury that would greet prices that went up with dress size.

The statistics also explain why plus-size clothes tend to be less tailored, even though larger women often look more attractive in body-skimming clothes. “You’ll generally see things less styled so each size can fit a slightly larger range of person, and you’ll see more stretch,” says Bruner. Designed to cover a wide range of bodies, a size 22 is thus more like a “medium” than a 10.

None of this analysis makes shopping for large clothes any easier, of course. But it suggests that the trend toward putting bigger sizes online, thus pooling shoppers from all over and turning niche sizes into large markets, makes sense. It isn’t an insult or judgment of personal worth. It’s a practical way to give women with relatively uncommon bodies clothes that might actually fit.

"Ism" and Obesity...

Can Racism Lead to Weight Gain?
By Daryl C. Hannah, Diversity Inc.
http://www.diversityinc.com/public/5944.cfm

Can racism--whether real or perceived--be the cause of high obesity rates in Black women? That's what some scientists at the Slone Epidemiology Center at Boston University are suggesting after their eight-year study showed a correlation between perceived racism and weight gains.

"Racism is real and it has real effects," Yvette Cozier, an epidemiologist with Slone, said in an interview. "It can result in real changes in the body."

Cozier and her team monitored 43,000 Black women between the ages 21 and 69 from 1997 through 2005. Scientists grouped the women into four categories based on how frequently they said they experienced racism. The scientists then observed their weight and waist-line fluctuations every two years. At the conclusion of the experiment, all of the women gained weight. But those who said they experienced racism most frequently gained more weight and had the biggest waist lines.

"We are learning more and more about the mind-body connection and the impact of perceptions of discrimination, whether they be large episodes or these micro-insults on a day-to-day basis, including walking down the street and having somebody cross over the street" to avoid you, said Dr. Joseph Betancourt, director of the Disparities Solutions Center at Massachusetts General Hospital, in The Boston Globe. "Discrimination turns into stress, and it can have an incredible impact on the body."


What's the direct link? Slone scientists conclude that heightened stress levels can lead to hormone-level changes, influencing poor food choices. "That makes an association between the stress of racism and weight gain, particularly around the waist, fit with other research in humans and animals," the authors wrote.

Weight discrimination has increasingly become a workplace issue. Because obesity isn't covered under Title VII of the Civil Rights Act, weight isn't considered a protected characteristic..

But despite the large number of people impacted, numerous studies have found that overweight and obese people have more difficulty getting hired, earn less and still face being ridiculed on the job. The bottom line: In a society where physical appearance is often subconsciously connected to performance, if you're obese, you're often perceived as not being up to getting the job done.

"We found that the heavier you were, the more likely it was you would submit a worker-compensation claim," Dr. Truls Ostbye, a professor of community and family medicine who coauthored the study, told Diversity Inc.

Read the full article at:

http://www.diversityinc.com/public/5944.cfm

What it looks like...

"To be nobody but yourself--in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else-- means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting". ~E.E Cummings

This remark by Cummings, a poet, made wonder why on earth would one have to fight to be themselves or living a fruitful productive life?

Of course then I realize that there is always always, always someone who seem to want for you not to be acceptable of oneself or accepting what is an inalienable right to have a joyously, juicy, delicious golden life. When ones may have embarked on doing things like can make a life, their life shimmer as encased in gold.

Whether it is something as simple as learning to ride a bike at 65, going back to college at 50, even hang gliding (though its not something I want to do) or be like the Scottish woman who all she wanted to do was to fufill a promise to her mother after years of loving care was to sing, someone had to put her up to put her down.

then when she did not win the top spot, but most certainly did not lose tabloid had her in rehab, in a mental health hospital a Boyle gone wild scenario. Yet she was like most of us an average person with an amazing voice who simply wanted to use it in a larger way.

And it is well earned for her you & me to follow your heart desire.

Anthony Robbins said once about dreaming so big that people will laugh at you. If they are not, you are not dreaming big enough. It don't matter if it not come to fruition, but wouldn't just imagining it can make your life golden? What will success look like to you now or when you reach the goal weight you want? Are your preparing for that eventuality or is it somewhat half cocked, a vague idea of what life will be like. And what if life does not end up being what you envision?

Some who have reached that goal in a successful weight lost first of all brava to 'em. But how many say as some who've been on shows like the Biggest Loser or perhaps someone you've personally known could not handle the "new" you.

Adjusting your vision tweaking it as you are going through the process is smart & healthy. Even if you have a regression which is also normal having an idea of your vision plan, a guide or outline will aid you greatly in saying on track or a map to guide you back if you were distracted.

A successful plan can engage you into seeing yourself doing something you've only talked about whether it is something as simple as learning to ride a bike at 65, going back to college at 50, even hang gliding (though its not something I want to do) or be like the Scottish woman who set out to accomplish all she wanted to do & that was to fufill a promise to her mother & herself. After years of loving care she opened her mouth & the world fell in love with her heart's desire, to sing, reached a mega number audience in the process. What she had only dreamt about, she created a vision plan, acted on it & won.

Not the contest which was really secondary, but she won...

She won even as some put her up to put her down. Even the ones who did not want her to change. It was interesting both camps seemed to focus on the same thing; her weight "dumpiness" lack of sophistication, "unattractiveness". Some clamor for an improvement, others wanting none.

But she knew what she wanted, went after it and got it!

Although she did not win the top spot, tabloidstrashed her had her in rehab, in a mental health hospital a Boyle gone wild scenario. Yet she was like most of us, an average person with an amazing voice who simply wanted to use it in a larger way. And dared to dream big so much that others took noticed.

And it is well earned for her, you & me. While that might not be our aspiration, your bigness could be something more modest.

You go after it, after all, to see what success can look like.

And the more you shed and the more the you under is revealed, you will also reveal things internally from the heart & soul. Can you adjust, tweak and accept? Revamping the goals, discarding what is no longer viable or useful or maybe even restoring somethings as still having merit you previously discarded.

A vision is a very good thing one with a plan is an excellent one. One put into action is supreme. A vision keeps you excited, keeps it juicy, keeps you from bumping around in the

dark.

It will make you know success when you see it .

How cool is that?
Moon

Loose Skin~An inevitability?

Well read this. I cannot guarentee it and haven't really done any research, so read and draw your own conclusions or if its workable for you...

http://www.bodyfatguide.com/LooseSkin.htm

No bye-bye, Birdie!

I really appreciated reading this woman follow up posting after her visit to Good Morning America last week with a successful 120lbs weight loss. I would highly recommend one reading all her info at www.sparkspeople.com Her candor and refreshing honesty of dealing with the realities of life is exciting as well as her humilty. More then her ability for the weight release, but that she acknowledges her humanity and is pragmatic about what she could and could not do.

I especially like her remarks about needing a support system that motivation iin tiself is nov enough, a factor we really need to heed. Iv would save us a lot of grief and misdirecved blame.
JHM

By Birdie:
6/1/09

I wanted to thank everyone for all of the kind and positive comments. I am now certain that I made a good decision to come forward with my weight loss success.

Unfortunately,I am back in the middle of my busy life right now. I'm working full time, trying to work out, and attempting to spend quality time with my husband and all of my children. I am going to read through each and every one of my comments and emails, but it will likely take me some time. The kids are all asleep now. I've worked a full day and I got in 40 minutes of cardio. I'm still tired from going to New York, but it was a successful day.

Once again, thank you. Thank you! Thank you!

I did want to touch on the topic of motivation. SparkPeople really does have all of the tools you need to lose and maintain weight loss. What I mean by tools is that you can find out how many calories you need to eat per day and how to balance your nutrition. SparkPeople does have great emotional support as well, but sometimes that's not enough. I believe that I had an advantage in that I had/have a great support system. I have delegated many, many things in my life. For example, I do not do my own laundry. I do very little housecleaning as well.

Obviously due to my work schedule, I have to arrange for childcare for my children. The list goes on. What does this have to do with motivation?

Well... stress needs to be minimized in order to get to a place where you can even think about a selfish goal such as weight loss.

Selfish? Well, it is in a way.

But, it's a good selfish because it pays back to everyone that you took from. So, for example, the time that I spent working out and being selfish means that I can now outlast my kids when spending a day at an amusement park.

I've got to share a story.

A few years ago, my husband and I took our kids to Sea World here in Orlando. We probably made it about two hours before we got in the car and headed home. Our oldest kids were devastated. They didn't understand why we were leaving so soon.

We left because I was hot, sweaty, out of breath, and my thighs were rubbing together so hard that it hurt. I couldn't do it anymore.

Sad but true. I'm sure others can relate. I was the mom that ruined all of the fun because I got too tired. Back to motivation.

The point is that you need support before you can even think about motivation.

So, ask for help. Delegate responsibility. Ask your husband if he will watch the kids while you work out. Hire a high school kid to help you clean the house or do the laundry. Get creative.

Finding the time doesn't have to involve money.

Ask friends for advice. Perhaps they can see some opportunities to simplify your life that can't see.

Sometimes someone looking from the outside in can get a clearer view of the picture. You have to clear the path. Make some room for your lifestyle change. I do want to be a source of motivation.

But, I am still learning how to maintain my weight.

I still read almost all of my SparkMail. If not that day, I will read it at another time. I still read the entries in the dailySpark. I still read every SparkPeople Success Story that I can find. I will never stop seeking inspiration.

Big City Woman ©94

By iiammoon© 94

Brimming, bursting, embodied, expansive, extraordinary, full, grand, healthy, huge, immense, laden, large, magnitude, spacious, substantial....., suffused, personified, represents ,replete...

Oh my goodness!

What a difference a word makes.

In how you take me.

What you saw

And what you see

Is it me

Or a rendition of a story you wanted tell

On how you see me.

Or.

You thought how I saw myself.

Were two separate entities

Some who claimed they were trying to ...

Spare me..

Ha!

What a joke!

Spare me from what?

All the substance & beauty of my world, my vibe?

Did not jibe with what I knew to be me.

There are many directions going to the same place.

You just used a well worn, tired road that never bore any truth as it was.

But by using all the adjectives polite circles used to shape my girth,

Supposedly when they don't want to hurt my feelings..

But much more, I expected you to use .

These words..

Apply it if you please in addition to my size?

And more aptly, Though some would never admit it

To my beauty.

Imagination.

My wit, Humor. Drive. Intelligence.

Heart, spirit and stature.

What a difference a word can make!

Now, lay it on down..

And why don't you c'mon now and just samba with me!

All rights reservedJHM94©

I originally wrote this poem in 1994 updated in 2001 and recently revised still again. While I have the original version which was very short and perhaps I'll post it at some point, but I think in the years growth this is where things are today, though I am far 113 pounds heavier today then when I wrote this! I guess my heart & attitude grew even bigger then my girth.