Releasing: Geaux Me! Its Me Its Me

 

 

 

 

 

 

 2014 has been a year of great loss for me, not only burying my mother back in March but from Jan-Oct, news of 29 people friends, family,colleagues & acquaintances' deaths.  Others shifted out of my life, some remained and others have re-entered after a long absence.  Not necessarily out of anything bad, just life ebb and flow.

Eleanor Hughes Mooney: June 19th,1914-March, 2014

 

 

 

I thought the losses would never end...it appeared whenever I caught a breath, here comes another blow...like it would never end.  Just 2 weeks after returning home after burying my mother came:

 

 

Dr. Maya Angelou

 

 

 

 

 

I'm still sorting that out. I also came to the realization that on one hand, some folks never were going to, at least in this system, see me other then the stories they've created in their hear to fit whatever story or song they wanted to tell.  It was an exercise in futility to expect any more (or any less) of them.

 

Looking back to this years as it is taking the last breath what has clarity for me has been how much my weight gain tied into the losses: not just in death but other kinds of deaths.  I could see it, even more so feel it, but didn't act on it.

 

There comes a point when you have to, no doubt about it.

 

For me this is not the typical end of the year half hearted promises people make to ignore it a few weeks later.  I say that because  there has been, such as life can be, especially in the intervals of loss, there's been some regains, restarts, renewals & rewards.

 

I had been having a significant, powerful reocurring dream... and the last time it was the most poignant and with great clarity.  I will not elaborate here, leaving it for another time perhaps.  Less just say it was quite reassuring as my sub-conscious spoke to me, that I am very ready to do to be what is going to be.

 

 

 

Some people re-entered much to my joy! I see a recharge/a Renaissance, slow but steady, of my phoenix rising out of the ashes. My 6 yrs "sabbatical" now over.


Ironically, although one may puzzle, the departure of some toxicity that consciously I did not, in retrospect, want to see as such. Its not a loss, but with ease organically gone. A brief sting & pouf! 
 
Gone, gone, gone!

 
I've posted a few pictures of me in 2014 noticing that I had avoided full pictures of myself as I did not want to see all of me and what I had allowed myself to become.  Make no doubt I am not ashamed of my size. I have never had been.  What I did not want to see was the physical manifestation of the toxicity that I carried needlessly.

 

My first breakout camed when I moved out of a very toxic, emotionally unhealthy place where I felt trapped among a lot of folks who were in a far more perilous prison then I.  But I do think it was significant that I spent 19 long months in that trap.  It isn't about how bad I thought people were as they were not bad. Caged like I was without bars, but not the core them.  It was an eye opening time for me.


Some were willing or had given up think that wallowing was their life sentence although it did not have to be.  And that was the lesso I too, had to grasp hard, in the core.  My release came in August 2014.

But even that wasn't going to be the end of it all.  In my new place although the amount is far smaller then before there are some here who are caged in a prison of their (and life) doing.


For many folks:

 

 

 

So here I am

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

February 2014-Gus Bennett,Jr photographer

 

 

 

 

 

 



 

April 2014

 

May 2014

 

 

 

 

 

 

June 2014

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Late August 2014 prior to the dedication of the Maraist Street Senior Apts

 

 

 

Speaking for the Tenants at the Opening of the Marais Street Senior Apts.  The CEO of HRI,Inc in background that asked me to speak 10 minutes before I did.

 

 

August, 2014


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

October 2014 in Thibodeaux,La




 

Early November 2014






November 2014



December 2014



 

New Orleans Artists are invited to Show Your Stuff!

 

 "Luck is no more then preparation meeting opportunity"

 

Well here it is:

Call for Artists: 1501 Canal Apartments’ Seasoned en Vieux exhibition

 

  VISUAL ARTISTS in Orleans Parish & adjacent parishes inclusive of Southern Louisiana are invited to "show your stuff" at:

 
 

"Seasoned En Vieux" (A Seasoned View) exhibition opening Dec 8, 2015 to January 25th, 2015
 
 

 

1501 Canal  (converted  senior apartments~formerly the corporate headquarters for Texaco.) 

 

Opening reception TBA. 

 

Art accepted includes but is not exclusive to:  Painting, photography, fiber, mixed medias, quilts, sculpture, wearable art.  All mediums are welcome as long as it is of good quality and tastefully rendered.  Participation is limited.  This is not a vendors' showing.  Artists do not have to be present as this exhibition will be up for roughly 6 weeks.

 

The art does not have to be exclusively about that 3rd stage nor does the artist have to be seasoned, but as the exhibition space is the converted senior apartments, formerly the corporate headquarters for Texaco, the desire is for neighbors and the general public to see all that beauty in the grey-hairness. We do, however, want to give priority to "seasoned" artists over 60 but it will not exclude anyone who has not yet reach that encore stage.

 

Canal Street is the main artery leading to the French Quarter, Faubourg TREME, Central Business District and the Art Warehouse Districts; a ripe opportunity to showcase local art and local artists to huge number of out of town visitors.

 

Submissions:

 

The work must be ready for hanging.  2D pieces (paintings, photographs, fiber, etc.)  must be no bigger than 6'x6'.   However there is a considerable amount of floor space for sculpture and art that is free standing.  Preferably, submit  most recent works.  Art can be for sale.  Interested party(s) will be put in contact with the artists for whatever negotiations with the understanding the work will not be removed until the close of show January 25th, 2015.

 

All art images must be submitted electronically.  Please e-mail submissions as jpegs to rhythmnhues@gmail.com no later than Nov 30th, 2015 for review.  All selected works must be delivered to 1501 Canal Apartments between 9-am-4:00pm by December 3rd, 2014.

 

Art can be picked up between January 26-31st, 2015 from 9am-12pm and 2:00pm-4:30pm only. 

 

For questions and any other additional information, please contact Jacquelyn Hughes Mooney at:  rhythmnhues@gmail.com

Street view where the Seasoned Vieux will be held.  !501 Canal is between Marais and Villere Streets. Paid parking next door as well as limited street parking.  Scroll down for additional pictures of the interior space.

 

 

 We have been given a wonderful opportunity, by the generousity of HRI Properties, to show case local artists on Canal Street in the months of December 2014 and January 2015 in a commercial space.  Please feel free to forward info to your contacts and/or share on whatever social mediums you utilize. 

 

Since this fabulous opportunity being bestowed has a restricted timeline for submission, I hope some of you will be kind enough to share or take  advantage of the opportunity.  It is my hope that if you know artists over 60 or your work depicts that of senior life showing the vibrancy, the wisdom and the irreverance of that encore stage, please let me know or share.

 

We want to re-direct the cliches and stereotypes while we revisit the 60s & 70s!

 

The art does not have to be exclusively about that 3rd stage nor does the artist have to be seasoned, but this is the converted senior apartments formerly the corporate headquarters for Texaco.  I would want my neighbors and the general public to see all that beauty in the grey-hairness.

 

The 1501 Canal Street (formerly Texaco Corporate Offices)

 

 

 

 The Ground Floor Commercial Space on Canal Street at Marais








 

 

 The Canal Street Car lets you off right in front of the 1501

 

 



 1501 Canal Srtreet.  The front of the old Texaco corporate headquarters where the exhibition will be.

 

 

 As you can tell you can look out from the gallery space onto Canal.  The Canal Street Streetcar stops right in front!

 

 



 Another side of the commercial space

Some of the wall space that can accomodate several large pieces although we are asking to restrict to no more then 60'x60'.




Adjacent to the interior elevators






View from interior by elevators

 

 

 You can tell we can accomodate a few large pieces no more then 60"x60"

 

 

 

I Do Declare!

Manifesto ~manəˈfestō: a written statement declaring publicly the intentions, motives, or views of its issuer... 



 


I do declare! 


When that word first popped in my head this morning I thought while appropriate may sound to grandiose too high falutin' for what I wanted to say and then I thought in essence, I do declare, it wasn't! 

I had suspected though now confirmed that I was going in a backward direction recently. I could feel it in my gait, in my efforts to get around that I had put a few pounds back on. I had... 

Not much but not in the direction I wanted to go. 

In the last 6 weeks when everything from finding a place,packing to move, the move getting settled I had not been as conscientious as I had been in how I had been eating. Again not all that bad but enough to where things were NOT going where it needed to be. 

And I had to stop that. 

So I did. 

I sat down with myself and had a conversation with self as to what was happening. 

Self may not wanted to hear it, not because she did not know it was not true, but because so much happened in rapid succession and after all she is only human. 

I had self best interest at heart, so I listened. I listened not only with my ears, but with my heart. My purpose in the deep listening was not to criticize, vilify, ostracize or to paralyze but to be kind to Self, reiterated I had Self's back. That she was good people, a good woman a wonderful woman & I liked her. 

Heck I was crazy about her! 

Self got it.. 

Then Self told me a story that caught her eye on a lovely lovely night with a beautiful full moon as a backdrop. 

She was on her way home yesterday evening & was hungry. Self had not eaten since earlier that afternoon and it was late in the evening. Self was tired AND self was hungry and did not want to go home and prepared a meal. So she asked the driving companion to stop in the local Burger King for a burger, only a burger as that was all she could manage thinking she could substitute other quick and easy sides. 

Well... It did not workout quite like that... 

Her driving companion in the quest of being nice ordered her meal & this is what she realized after he did it... 

She asked for a Whopper, that's all. He order her a DOUBLE Whopper, large fries AND a large soda! All 1800 calories which was Self's entire allotment for the day! Self did not protest much rationalizing she will only eat part & toss the rest out. Her companion did not mean any harm, it was an assumption that because she was a "whopper" woman she would need a whopper meal. 

Trust me I knew her companion, there was no malice. Ignorance, misplaced well intentioned but no malice. It is how people see big people, especially where a city where food/love reign supreme. It is how people express their caring for you. 

All this was happening in rapid succession, the clicking in self's brain of what just happened, the tiredness and the hunger and all the other things. She went home and had her meal. She did indeed do what she said ate part and left part, but not as much of the part to dispose. 

Then her brain started firing up as "what just happened"? 

And why did it happen? 

Self had not been to a Burger King in over a year, had not been a fan of Burger King in a very long time... 

The good thing was she did not feel guilty or berate or put down or saw herself as a failure. 

She did see herself as being very human recognizing that in part how crazy & distracting the last few weeks had been as well as the pending death of her friend. 
In doing her meal tracker here on Sparks she was not shocked to see she ate double her caloric allocation & almost 3x her sodium intake for 1 day. 

And then she gave a manifesto... 

This has to not be! 

I do declare! 

Out came the scales to see where the weight was and sure enough over the last few weeks she had received 6 pounds! 

"Oh no this is so not acceptable", Self declared! 

Today after we had our conversation, we will map out what & how. We do not have to rehash, we already know. And we are also armed with enough info, direction and love to readjust, rework and renew with no regrets over what is done. 



I was telling Self about my comments in the Ruby team about where for those who may know about the TV show on the Style Network call Ruby of a previously over 700 lbs woman who has halved her weight and now working on halving it again as reach a critical part in her progress. In fact she is throwing up deflections distractions and doing all sorts of things as to avoid the core of how & why she got to 700lbs. 

 


It is an extraordinary story and while many may have their opinions on the where and the whys and the how's only she can declare HER manifesto. There are very few people who struggle with serious weight issues who do not have serious underlying reasons that have literally weighed them/us down. 

Part of my comments spoke of (and only as a possibility as only she knows or maybe not know/face) that perhaps " her subconscious knows it (the "it" being what is making her ache badly). Her conscious mind seems to be doing everything possible to avoid "it". I know that as well intentioned as it might be (her friends are going to do an intervention), whatever they are going to attempt to do to jump start her again in her goals, I hope it works, but I will not be surprised if it back fires. 

From everything I've read from y'all (thank you) and bits and pieces in the clips and her own blog, she is really close. As crazy as it may sounds, all the prima donna behavior all the stuff with Denny etc, is deflections, expertly manipulated as to not face what is really eating her alive. 

No pun intended. Fat can indeed serve as a protection, a deflection, an ally though most people will never admit to it. No one likes it, most ones will say everything else but that its a friend & an ally because it is so much easier to resist painful truths and then honestly get comfortable with it. 

It becomes a why bother friend..that friend you know isn't good for you, does not benefit you, but at least you know it, familiar with it have a history with it, you know what it will and will not do. It is just easier then to do things differently to delve into the unknown to walk into a deep dark forest with vines , tangled brush, creepy critters and unfamiliar sounds that can appear terrifying. All the time knowing there is a clearing a lovely meadow, sunshine, flowers humming birds and joy lightness there. 

It is the nature of human beings in the time we are living in. 

It's hard work, real work, terrifying work and while we may say this is what we want (and end to it) it is scary. We are conditioned to conform, to not see or know on a cellular level that we deserve so much more that the world can be joyous, happy & carefree & loving. Real loving not a manufactured this is what we have to do or be to "earn" it. 

To "earn it, especially for women, is to be a fraction of our current size. To earn it is to fit or contort ourselves inside an ever increasing smaller ,perverse & restrictive box so we can be approved of, to be loved, to be dignified to be accepted. 

Some how we got that message loud & clear we cannot have positively because we ARE... 

And yes we can be in the forefront of being our own worse enemy instead of our best ally as Ruby is showing. 

I think she will be in the end just find as we will be just fine.. whatever length of time, HER time will take for that to happen". 

 


What she has and many here on Sparks have done is nothing short of extraordinary. 

I think I'm extraordinary in an ordinary way going along in my own time at my pace to dow hat I need to do while living life. We want too many pat answers where there is none. I am not on a journey, I am creating my life as Self and I were discussing... 

I could have last night declined the meal. No I had no insatiable gotta have it need for it,I simply was not thinking quickly. What was quick (and I am pleased) is that I came very early on to see what or where it could head. I am not "addicted" to food, my self esteem is not low, I did what many people do waited too long, too distracted & too tired. 

So today and from this point forward, I will set my manifesto... 

I do declare!