Stayng in the Light(ness) of t all.

"Usually I try to take it one day at a time, but lately several have attacked me at once"...~Elsabeth, a fierce warrior woman




Sometime this month,I don't remember exactly when it started exactly,but I had a rebellion. Something set off a massive temper tantrum although it mainly resided in my head, but that's ok as that is exactly where it needed to be.

I found myself angry at times & could not put my finger on it which in a way may have been a good thing as I would have found a way to excuse it, justify it or pretend...Anger was one of the paramount reasons why I was having such a struggle with my weight release despite my efforts to the contrary.

Well a word popped up n my head today as what I could do to relieve the source of my anger:

Expunge.

I wanted to look up what it defined:strike: remove by erasing or crossing out or as if by drawing a line; To erase or strike out; To eliminate completely; annihilate; To completely remove leaving no trace;

I liked!

And I also liked these synonyms:
wipe out /erase/ rub out/ edit out/ obliterate/ cross out/ censor/ blue pencil/ cleanse

Especially cleanse... Seemed soothing.

In rapid order with very little effort or fanfare i had to expunge 5 relationships! 4 of the 5 had been ongoing in one degree or another for 12-15 years! And the remaining one about 5.We all had drifted in & out of each others lives some for me more a casual friendship on 1 or 2 more intimate or so I thought, but I was wrong.

Now none of these people are ogres, in fact have many great qualities... But I had changed.. a lot and many times like that favorite something we hold onto for dear life though it maybe years past it prime, I clung on.

But something had happened & especially in the last year especially I noticed and pretended to not, a certain of nastiness in their remarks , more of a snide kind of glee of my struggles & a disinterest in my triumphs. Just to me, as I cannot speak for them, their actions left me angry & bewildered and I did not want to face what it & I suspect, neither did they.

It got to the point that my continuing with them seem more of a reflex then a pleasure, but we had history and I guess that is what we were all leaning on.

So my rebellion began. I need to get healthier, release more of the weight & anger was compounding, not helping.

So I said farewell this week, at least in my head. I have not called them neither, they called I.For the last couple of weeks I've been walkng every other day for 12 blocks. I've been keeping my trusty camera with me not knowng when I will come across a nugget,all the while drinking in the beauty or homes beng rebuilt, others already restored & others yet who while in decay have a certan regalness as they make their last stand...

I know this is a turning point year for me as was just reminded of from yet another fierce warror women from the Finding Nemo movie one of the fish with the voice over of Ellen DeGeneres saying "Just keep swimming". And by George if the Sanints kept on swimming for 43 years to make it to the Super Bowl, so can I ...

Another fierce woman Dr.Jewel Diamond Taylor says:



Yet strangely in a peculiar way.. I feel strangely cleansed.